They accepted our first offer!
There was a big article on the front of Charlotte.com today (which means it was big in the Charlotte Observer) about how houses aren't selling, and are staying on the market longer and going for a lot less than the owners had hoped for. Maybe they got scared?
I'm exhausted, so I'm going to bed. But here's some details for you detail oriented folks...
Single Family Area: 5/7 Charlotte, NC 28277 County: Mecklenburg
Total Fin HLA: 2738 Unheated SqFt: 463
Beds: 4 Baths: 3/1
New Construction: No Year Built: 2003 Completed: Builder: Ryan
ROOMS
Main: Breakfast, Dining Rm, Entry Hall, Great Rm, Kitchen, Laundry, Living Rm
Upper: Bedroom 2, Bedroom 3, Bedroom 4/Bonus, Master BR
Lower: None
Basement: None
PROPERTY
Approx Lot Dimension: .155 Approx. Acres: 0.155
DESCRIPTION
Type: 2 Story Style: Transitional Exterior Const: Vinyl
Parking: 2 Car Garage, Back Load Driveway: Concrete Foundation: Slab
Fireplace: Yes Fireplace Location: Gas Logs, Great Room Laundry: 1st Floor, Utility Room
Floor: Ceramic Tile, Laminate, Wall-to wall Carpet Doors/Windows:
Equipment: Cable Prewire, Ceiling Fan(s), CO Detector, Cooktop Electric, Dishwasher, Disposal, Electric Dryer Hookup, Ice Maker Connection, Refrigerator, Security System, Self Cleaning Oven, Smoke Detector
Interior Features: Attic Stairs Pulldown, GardenTub
Exterior Features: Fenced Yard, In-Ground Irrigation, Patio, Porch
Community Features: Playground, Pool
UTILITIES
Water/Sewer: City Sewer, City Water HVAC: Central Air, Gas Hot Air, Multizone A/C, MultiZone Heat Water Heater: Gas
REMARKS
Picture perfect! Absolutely beautiful home in immaculate condition! Wonderful rocking chair front porch. Gourmet kitchen w/cherry cabinets & island opens to spacious great room w/gas log fireplace. Extensive pergo flooring & upgraded lighting throughout. Huge bonus room with private bath. Incredible fenced yard. Extended patio overlooks rose garden & pond. Irrigation. A MUST SEE!!
Tuesday, August 28
Monday, August 27
Exciting weekend!
We've found the house we want to make an offer on!
Here are pictures:
http://smg.photobucket.com/albums/v386/ultravioletu/house/
The few things you can't see from the photos are the upstairs level (2 br + master, bathrooms need a little cosmetic work, but they're good), the super-secret extra hideaway (it seriously needs a bookcase to make it a secret passage) bonus room which has wood floors, a full bath, extra storage and is big enough to comfortably hold a pool table, and the finished garage complete with nice oil resistant flooring.
Our buyer's agent thinks the listed price is high, but we're probably still going to end up paying more than we wanted to pay for a house. Isn't that always the way, though?
Keep wishing us luck!!
Here are pictures:
http://smg.photobucket.com/albums/v386/ultravioletu/house/
The few things you can't see from the photos are the upstairs level (2 br + master, bathrooms need a little cosmetic work, but they're good), the super-secret extra hideaway (it seriously needs a bookcase to make it a secret passage) bonus room which has wood floors, a full bath, extra storage and is big enough to comfortably hold a pool table, and the finished garage complete with nice oil resistant flooring.
Our buyer's agent thinks the listed price is high, but we're probably still going to end up paying more than we wanted to pay for a house. Isn't that always the way, though?
Keep wishing us luck!!
Friday, August 24
House Hunting, take one!
For those of you who haven't heard, Craig and I are for real moving back to Charlotte! We hope to be moved in by the end of October.
Tonight we hit the road after work for the (ugh, 7 hour) drive down, and begin our search with our fabulous exclusive buyer's agent, bright and early tomorrow morning!
We have a big list picked out to look at already. If you're interested seeing some of them for yourself, you can look them up on the MLS. I'd send you to the Charlotte default MLS, but I don't like their photo/info tools as much as I like Allen Tate's (realty office in Charlotte) so I will send you thither instead!
http://www.allentate.com
Unfortunately, you can't put in more than one MLS number at a time, but don't let that stop you. The first handful are probably our favorites, with the exception of the ones towards the bottom with the view of Lake Norman.
I'm so anxious and excited all at once that I've made myself sick. I've had deadly deadly heartburn for the last 3 days, and even though I know I'm hungry, I'm slightly more nauseous than hungry, so it's a problem. I need to calm the fuck down.
We're staying at the Westin in uptown Charlotte for three days. First, I love the beds in Starwood properties. They live up to their "heavenly" title. Second, I watched them build that hotel when I lived uptown, and I vowed that one day I would stay there because it's gor-ge-ous. Today's the day! Plus, I got the room for $109 a night!!!! We may have to pay for parking on top of that but at that price, so what.
It's going to be an exciting weekend... Stay tuned and wish us luck!!!!!
Tonight we hit the road after work for the (ugh, 7 hour) drive down, and begin our search with our fabulous exclusive buyer's agent, bright and early tomorrow morning!
We have a big list picked out to look at already. If you're interested seeing some of them for yourself, you can look them up on the MLS. I'd send you to the Charlotte default MLS, but I don't like their photo/info tools as much as I like Allen Tate's (realty office in Charlotte) so I will send you thither instead!
http://www.allentate.com
| MLS | Comments |
| 700599 | The bungalow house |
| 673437 | Coffered ceiling |
| 676122 | Coffered ceiling, but empty |
| 696531 | The paint house (you'll see what I mean) |
| 689743 | almost identical to 696531 but nicer floors, and neutral |
| 674658 | great master bath |
| 686806 | lots of hardwood, nice kitchen, sunroom! |
| 699796 | pond and rose garden |
| 693876 | lake view from 2nd floor |
| 679730 | Charleston style, lake view from 2nd floor |
| 701763 | Lots of light, space, open fp, wood, lot |
| 682794 | Pool! But no photos. Backs to greenway |
| 665269 | beautiful kitchen, wood, yard |
Unfortunately, you can't put in more than one MLS number at a time, but don't let that stop you. The first handful are probably our favorites, with the exception of the ones towards the bottom with the view of Lake Norman.
I'm so anxious and excited all at once that I've made myself sick. I've had deadly deadly heartburn for the last 3 days, and even though I know I'm hungry, I'm slightly more nauseous than hungry, so it's a problem. I need to calm the fuck down.
We're staying at the Westin in uptown Charlotte for three days. First, I love the beds in Starwood properties. They live up to their "heavenly" title. Second, I watched them build that hotel when I lived uptown, and I vowed that one day I would stay there because it's gor-ge-ous. Today's the day! Plus, I got the room for $109 a night!!!! We may have to pay for parking on top of that but at that price, so what.
It's going to be an exciting weekend... Stay tuned and wish us luck!!!!!
Monday, August 20
Tech Support Jackpot!
As I've told you all already, Sunday nights hold one of my small weekly pleasures. On this night every week, I grab a little snack, (this week, some lovely watermelon imported from NJ) and settle in for two hours of blissful 80's alt rock on VH1 Classic's "120 Minutes." It's not quite the same as the original "120 Minutes", but it's the one bit of pleasantly guilty nostalgia I regularly allow myself.
So tonight being Sunday, I park myself on the couch, and flip to the usual channel. But what greets me tonight? A big black screen that reads "Subscription channel." VH1 Classic has disappeared from my lineup!
So I flipped through my other channels. AMC? Gone. TCM? Gone. G4? Gone.
Now, I know Comcast has been working hard to fuck up my service for the last few months ever since the buyout of Adelphia at the beginning of the year. I've had to call a few times about the internet service, and strange things have been happening with the channel menus. Yesterday, all the channels shifted to new locations, and we lost all our "favorites" programming. So the new development tonight was only a little surprise...
At first I went all Morrisey and moped around, accepting that I'd be without until we moved to Charlotte. Then I decided, you know what, they have support people 24 hours! I'm calling their asses up!
I got a very nice support person named Larry. I told him that I knew they were changing around the lineup, but now half my channels were flat out missing. He said, hold on and let me see what's going on. He said it looked like the packages had changed with everything else, and I could switch to the digital blah-blah package, and it would work again. So I said, okay, well, what will that cost me? And he said hold on...
I told him that I tried listening to the FAQ on the phone before asking to talk to him, and it said that they tried about 20 different ways of notifying everyone of all these changes, but damned if I hadn't seen ANY of them! And he started laughing. So I said, "I bet you get a lot of people who tell you that." And he said, "whew, you wouldn't believe it!" And I said, "Well, at least you're not too busy at night," and he told me I'd be surprised at just how many people call at this hour. Mostly drunks. And I said tweekers, and they all probably want to yell at you. And we had a good laugh. And thus began a very nice conversation with a support person who said, "Hang on a second, maybe I can save you some money..."
Sure enough, some options here, and a "you shouldn't be paying for that" there, and he restored all my channels. He upgraded me to the new service. We now have ALL the movie channels.
AND he saved me $33 a month!
After all that, we still couldn't get AMC to work, and he tried a bunch of stuff but it still wasn't happening. So he said, "I know you don't want to hear this, but it means I'll have to send a tech out to your house..." And I said, "You know, it's not really that important..." And he's like, "Are you sure? Because you should be getting all the channels you're paying for..." And I said,
"You know? It's just AMC. It's not that great a channel. I now have all the OTHER movie channels. And what are they showing right now... 'Raising Helen'?? I didn't want to watch that anyway. Don't even worry about it!"
He said all right and asked if I need anything else, but I told him no thanks, and that he was great, and thank you so much!
So say what you'd like about Comcast's customer service, but all the times I've called I've spoken to really nice people who actually act like they want to help. And tonight's experience was no different, AND it came with bonuses!
So then I spent the rest of my "90 Minutes" with a pleased little grin...
So tonight being Sunday, I park myself on the couch, and flip to the usual channel. But what greets me tonight? A big black screen that reads "Subscription channel." VH1 Classic has disappeared from my lineup!
So I flipped through my other channels. AMC? Gone. TCM? Gone. G4? Gone.
Now, I know Comcast has been working hard to fuck up my service for the last few months ever since the buyout of Adelphia at the beginning of the year. I've had to call a few times about the internet service, and strange things have been happening with the channel menus. Yesterday, all the channels shifted to new locations, and we lost all our "favorites" programming. So the new development tonight was only a little surprise...
At first I went all Morrisey and moped around, accepting that I'd be without until we moved to Charlotte. Then I decided, you know what, they have support people 24 hours! I'm calling their asses up!
I got a very nice support person named Larry. I told him that I knew they were changing around the lineup, but now half my channels were flat out missing. He said, hold on and let me see what's going on. He said it looked like the packages had changed with everything else, and I could switch to the digital blah-blah package, and it would work again. So I said, okay, well, what will that cost me? And he said hold on...
I told him that I tried listening to the FAQ on the phone before asking to talk to him, and it said that they tried about 20 different ways of notifying everyone of all these changes, but damned if I hadn't seen ANY of them! And he started laughing. So I said, "I bet you get a lot of people who tell you that." And he said, "whew, you wouldn't believe it!" And I said, "Well, at least you're not too busy at night," and he told me I'd be surprised at just how many people call at this hour. Mostly drunks. And I said tweekers, and they all probably want to yell at you. And we had a good laugh. And thus began a very nice conversation with a support person who said, "Hang on a second, maybe I can save you some money..."
Sure enough, some options here, and a "you shouldn't be paying for that" there, and he restored all my channels. He upgraded me to the new service. We now have ALL the movie channels.
AND he saved me $33 a month!
After all that, we still couldn't get AMC to work, and he tried a bunch of stuff but it still wasn't happening. So he said, "I know you don't want to hear this, but it means I'll have to send a tech out to your house..." And I said, "You know, it's not really that important..." And he's like, "Are you sure? Because you should be getting all the channels you're paying for..." And I said,
"You know? It's just AMC. It's not that great a channel. I now have all the OTHER movie channels. And what are they showing right now... 'Raising Helen'?? I didn't want to watch that anyway. Don't even worry about it!"
He said all right and asked if I need anything else, but I told him no thanks, and that he was great, and thank you so much!
So say what you'd like about Comcast's customer service, but all the times I've called I've spoken to really nice people who actually act like they want to help. And tonight's experience was no different, AND it came with bonuses!
So then I spent the rest of my "90 Minutes" with a pleased little grin...
Monday, June 25
Bring on the Dancing Horses
It's been 4 weeks since my constant companion left my side, and I still miss her like you wouldn't believe. So many times I'll be going through my day and just expect to see Autumn come around the corner, and I almost want to hold my breath and wait, like maybe it was all just a bad dream.
I'm still gathering the strength to post part 2 of my farewell, but I'm starting to repress the feelings and the memories of that particular bad day and the ones that followed. I'm stuffing them into a tiny box, and putting them in a dark corner in the back, right next to the box labeled "September 11." They're like painful little spring-trap, needle-filled time capsules that maybe one day I'll be able to disarm, but not until I have the time and the distance and emotional maturity to handle them.
They're also taking their damn sweet time getting her ashes back to me at the vet. They told me two or three weeks. It's been four. Craig called and they stalled him and put him off, until he got hold of the "manager" who told him, oh yeah it can take as long as TWO MONTHS. Meanwhile, I want to cry from that disappointment, and my gut aches with the fear that there's been some kind of mixup, and I'll never get her back. Craig says he's tired of calling them. I'll have to sack up and do it myself. The challenge will be not crying in anger and frustration while I'm on the phone.
IN HAPPIER NEWS, I love watching the triumphant return of 120 Minutes on VH1 Classic. Some of the best days of my life were to the tune of Alt 80's music! It gives me a happy little butterfly or two to remember the times and the places I recall with The Church and Jesus and Mary Chain and Echo and Souxsie. Those are the 80s that I remember, not all the day-glo and Madonna puffy sleeves and legwarmers. I think of the summers driving to skate shows in my friends' beat up cars. The nights roaming the boardwalks and beaches of the shore in our little punk rock gangs. The laughs and the camaraderie and the heartache and the purple hair and the spikes and the combat boots and the trips to the city and hardcore matinées at CBGB's.
I wish my 80s were the one making the comeback.
And lastly, we're starting our search to see how much someone wants to lend us to buy a house! (And what the best rate we can get is of course.) So exciting! In fact, that whole process is gonna need a blog of it's own. I've been scoping out the houses in Charlotte though, and it's got me pretty psyched! You can't imagine how much house you can get for a realistic price there! Whee!
I'm still gathering the strength to post part 2 of my farewell, but I'm starting to repress the feelings and the memories of that particular bad day and the ones that followed. I'm stuffing them into a tiny box, and putting them in a dark corner in the back, right next to the box labeled "September 11." They're like painful little spring-trap, needle-filled time capsules that maybe one day I'll be able to disarm, but not until I have the time and the distance and emotional maturity to handle them.
They're also taking their damn sweet time getting her ashes back to me at the vet. They told me two or three weeks. It's been four. Craig called and they stalled him and put him off, until he got hold of the "manager" who told him, oh yeah it can take as long as TWO MONTHS. Meanwhile, I want to cry from that disappointment, and my gut aches with the fear that there's been some kind of mixup, and I'll never get her back. Craig says he's tired of calling them. I'll have to sack up and do it myself. The challenge will be not crying in anger and frustration while I'm on the phone.
IN HAPPIER NEWS, I love watching the triumphant return of 120 Minutes on VH1 Classic. Some of the best days of my life were to the tune of Alt 80's music! It gives me a happy little butterfly or two to remember the times and the places I recall with The Church and Jesus and Mary Chain and Echo and Souxsie. Those are the 80s that I remember, not all the day-glo and Madonna puffy sleeves and legwarmers. I think of the summers driving to skate shows in my friends' beat up cars. The nights roaming the boardwalks and beaches of the shore in our little punk rock gangs. The laughs and the camaraderie and the heartache and the purple hair and the spikes and the combat boots and the trips to the city and hardcore matinées at CBGB's.
I wish my 80s were the one making the comeback.
And lastly, we're starting our search to see how much someone wants to lend us to buy a house! (And what the best rate we can get is of course.) So exciting! In fact, that whole process is gonna need a blog of it's own. I've been scoping out the houses in Charlotte though, and it's got me pretty psyched! You can't imagine how much house you can get for a realistic price there! Whee!
Tuesday, May 29
Eulogy for a Friend, Part I
So as most of you have heard by now, we had to put my sweet little cat Autumn to sleep on Sunday. I think I've totally cried my insides out at this point. But every time I think it's stopped, I realize I was wrong.
On Saturday night I noticed she wasn't behaving normally, and she was leaving little drops of bloody urine around the house, so I decided to take her to the vet first thing Sunday morning for what was obviously a bladder infection. What I didn't know, and what the doctor told us was that she was also in renal failure, and her pancreas was inflamed. There were things he could do to try and treat her, but what would fix the one would do things to hurt the other conditions and vice-versa. It was so hard to realize that ultimately she wasn't going to recover from those things, and it would just be more humane to her to put her to rest than to have her suffer through a slow and painful decline of her systems, just so we could spend a little more time with her. It was the hardest, most awful decision I've ever had to make, but she is at peace now. Craig and I were with her as she passed, and I know she knew we loved her.
I probably haven't had more than 6 hours sleep since Saturday night when I realized she was very sick. I'm going to post a memorial blog just as soon as I can get it together long enough to do so. (I've written most of it, I just haven't added the pictures.) Our other cat, Shiva, seems a little more needy than usual too, and you can tell she occasionally looks around like she expects her companion to just come around the corner. But with a little patience, and a little extra love and attention, I think she will adjust okay. (I'm not so sure about me.)
The vet is going to have her ashes returned to us, so when Craig and I move to our new home, we can place her in a comfortable, sunny spot where she can always stay a part of our family. Craig's dad also suggested we put a birdbath near her, and I thought that was a really nice idea.
So please love your own furry family members a little more tonight, in memory of the dear, sweet little friend who had so much unconditional love for everyone, and whom we all loved so much. We will miss her.
Thursday, May 3
Upheaval
Just when you think everything is going to be okay, and is going along nicely...
Our landlord informed us last night that she is raising our monthly rent by $150 as of July 1st. We already pay an outrageous price for this place:
2 BR + loft, 2 bath, living room, dining room, washer/dryer included, etc = $1600/month.
I pretty much told her she's out of her mind if she thinks we're going to pay $1725 for this place. (The least reason of which is that we can DEFINITELY find a comparable and/or newer place for cheaper.)
I can't complain too much because she's really been the nicest, and the reason she's raising the rent is because she's gotten married and is officially converting this condo she owns to a rental property. Her ARM came up, and she had to refinance, and now she owes more money due to her new interest rate. So in order for her just to break even, she needs to raise the rent.
While I'm totally sympathetic to that, I'm still pissed.
This leaves us four options:
1. Stay and pay that ridiculous rent for a place that isn't even worth $1600/mo.
2. Find a new place to rent in the area. Which gives us 2 months or so to work that all out and get packed, etc.
However, Craig has given me the ultimatum that he doesn't want to move again unless it's into a house so...
3. Buy a house.
There's no fucking way we can afford a house in this area.
(For laughs, you may like to check out http://www.zillow.com. It will display a "heat map" of house values in a particular area. Check out your own house value! BFE is starting to look pretty good.)
That means we'd have to move somewhere else entirely. I'm lucky with my job, because I'm a regional resource. I can move a lot of places on the East coast. Craig would have to quit his job. Which sucks, because he loves his job.
4. Buy a condo/townhome.
That, we could afford. However, why would I buy something when I'd still have to share walls with other people?
We don't know what to do.
Our landlord informed us last night that she is raising our monthly rent by $150 as of July 1st. We already pay an outrageous price for this place:
2 BR + loft, 2 bath, living room, dining room, washer/dryer included, etc = $1600/month.
I pretty much told her she's out of her mind if she thinks we're going to pay $1725 for this place. (The least reason of which is that we can DEFINITELY find a comparable and/or newer place for cheaper.)
I can't complain too much because she's really been the nicest, and the reason she's raising the rent is because she's gotten married and is officially converting this condo she owns to a rental property. Her ARM came up, and she had to refinance, and now she owes more money due to her new interest rate. So in order for her just to break even, she needs to raise the rent.
While I'm totally sympathetic to that, I'm still pissed.
This leaves us four options:
1. Stay and pay that ridiculous rent for a place that isn't even worth $1600/mo.
2. Find a new place to rent in the area. Which gives us 2 months or so to work that all out and get packed, etc.
However, Craig has given me the ultimatum that he doesn't want to move again unless it's into a house so...
3. Buy a house.
There's no fucking way we can afford a house in this area.
(For laughs, you may like to check out http://www.zillow.com. It will display a "heat map" of house values in a particular area. Check out your own house value! BFE is starting to look pretty good.)
That means we'd have to move somewhere else entirely. I'm lucky with my job, because I'm a regional resource. I can move a lot of places on the East coast. Craig would have to quit his job. Which sucks, because he loves his job.
4. Buy a condo/townhome.
That, we could afford. However, why would I buy something when I'd still have to share walls with other people?
We don't know what to do.
Friday, March 23
Los Vagas
So we've planned a very spur-of-moment trip to Las Vegas for Easter weekend.
What better way to celebrate the resurrection of our Lord?!
My sister called me a couple of weeks ago and said, "Easter is cancelled!" I'm like...what? Because I thought maybe the Second Coming had happened and no one told me, or James Cameron found out the whole "resurrection" thing was a hoax. But no, she just meant that our parents were going on some kind of reunion trip that would have them in Las Vegas for Easter, so the usual get together at the family home in Jersey was not happening. After a few moments of thought, I said...
"Let's go to Vegas."
So we started thinking about it and throwing together plans, and here we are!
We got the world's most cheap-ass tickets from JetBlue: $99 each way, which was somehow only miraculously available for a few hours on Tuesday. When I had checked a few hours earlier, the "from Vegas" price was $199. Then it went down. Now it's back up to $199/$149 each way! Whee!
Prolix and Husband are coming with us. (Younger sister Xtina and husband cannot make it due to financial troubles.) We've got a "spa suite" at the Luxor to stay in. I'm sure the weather will be lovely because it's the DESERT. We're talking about going to good restaurants and to see the MGM's lion habitrail, and possibly seeing Cirque du Soleil "Love" (aka the Beatles gig.)
So what should we go do? What should we see? Any recommendations? Any tales of debauchery? To hell with this, "What happens in Vegas stays in Vegas" crap! Spill!!
Also, if anyone has any stories about JetBlue, good or bad, we've never flown with them before so we'd love to hear them! (Yeah we know about the whole stuck-on-the-runway-for-nine-hours thing, but we consider that an anomaly, and they've more than tried to make up to their customers for it.)
What better way to celebrate the resurrection of our Lord?!
My sister called me a couple of weeks ago and said, "Easter is cancelled!" I'm like...what? Because I thought maybe the Second Coming had happened and no one told me, or James Cameron found out the whole "resurrection" thing was a hoax. But no, she just meant that our parents were going on some kind of reunion trip that would have them in Las Vegas for Easter, so the usual get together at the family home in Jersey was not happening. After a few moments of thought, I said...
"Let's go to Vegas."
So we started thinking about it and throwing together plans, and here we are!
We got the world's most cheap-ass tickets from JetBlue: $99 each way, which was somehow only miraculously available for a few hours on Tuesday. When I had checked a few hours earlier, the "from Vegas" price was $199. Then it went down. Now it's back up to $199/$149 each way! Whee!
Prolix and Husband are coming with us. (Younger sister Xtina and husband cannot make it due to financial troubles.) We've got a "spa suite" at the Luxor to stay in. I'm sure the weather will be lovely because it's the DESERT. We're talking about going to good restaurants and to see the MGM's lion habitrail, and possibly seeing Cirque du Soleil "Love" (aka the Beatles gig.)
So what should we go do? What should we see? Any recommendations? Any tales of debauchery? To hell with this, "What happens in Vegas stays in Vegas" crap! Spill!!
Also, if anyone has any stories about JetBlue, good or bad, we've never flown with them before so we'd love to hear them! (Yeah we know about the whole stuck-on-the-runway-for-nine-hours thing, but we consider that an anomaly, and they've more than tried to make up to their customers for it.)
Tuesday, March 13
Mini Married Life Update
I'm excited that tonight Craig and I have tickets to see Janeane Garofalo at the State Theater. It's the first time we've been out at night to do something (other than go out to dinner) since...well, it seems like forever! It was his idea, too.
We're starting to settle in, being more comfortable with one another, though it hardly seemed possible considering how close we were before. Every day seems to bring a new understanding, or something else I hadn't considered, or some new level of just being a couple. As much fun as it would be to have babies, right now I'm still waiting to see where the married-couple thing goes, and I wouldn't want to spoil it or keep it from reaching its potential. Still...tick, tick, tick, tick...
If I had gotten pregnant on my wedding night, we'd be having a baby this month.
In other news, I'm starting to settle into my new last name. I like the sound of it. I like the way it goes with my first name. I like that no one is ever unsure how to pronounce it. Occasionally they leave out an L or add an S, but so what; it's still mostly right. I like signing it because it's all loops and just seems to flow off the tip of my pen, though sometimes I get carried away and throw in a loop too many.
Also, unrelated, it's nice to have all the windows open again.
Even if it means it's "motorcycle weather" for the douche who lives downstairs.
We're starting to settle in, being more comfortable with one another, though it hardly seemed possible considering how close we were before. Every day seems to bring a new understanding, or something else I hadn't considered, or some new level of just being a couple. As much fun as it would be to have babies, right now I'm still waiting to see where the married-couple thing goes, and I wouldn't want to spoil it or keep it from reaching its potential. Still...tick, tick, tick, tick...
If I had gotten pregnant on my wedding night, we'd be having a baby this month.
In other news, I'm starting to settle into my new last name. I like the sound of it. I like the way it goes with my first name. I like that no one is ever unsure how to pronounce it. Occasionally they leave out an L or add an S, but so what; it's still mostly right. I like signing it because it's all loops and just seems to flow off the tip of my pen, though sometimes I get carried away and throw in a loop too many.
Also, unrelated, it's nice to have all the windows open again.
Even if it means it's "motorcycle weather" for the douche who lives downstairs.
Wednesday, February 28
Taking the Long Way Around
My friends from High School
Married their high school boyfriends
Moved into houses
In the same zip codes where their parents live
But I, I could never follow
No I, I could never follow
I hit the highway...
February 28, 2007 marks 11 years since I left "home."
I didn't just move out of my parents' house, I left NJ and I didn't look back.
I left with a trunk full of my belongings in my '71 Monte Carlo, the blessings of my mother, and the blatant disowning of my father, and took what would be the first of many 8 hour drives down I-95 to Raleigh, NC. (and later beyond.)
I began a new life, my own life, full of potential to be and do whatever I wanted. I don't think everyone gets a chance like that in life. Or if they do, they chicken out. But if you see the road before you, and it seems so clear and bright, you just can't be afraid to take it. Yes, the unknown is scary. But I think I've always been more afraid of the slow death of the known...
I've learned more about myself in the last 11 years than I think I ever believed I could have when I left.
I learned about and touched and spoke to all walks of life, some I never could or would have just staying in New Jersey. I made fleeting acquaintances and lifelong friends all over the world. I took risks I never thought I could, and experienced things I never thought were possible for me. I had the highest of highs and the most cold rock-bottom lows.
I proved to myself the existence of angels at the depth of one of those lows. Once when I was almost the hands of my own undoing, this angel swept in and saved me from myself, and I will never know whether she had any idea of what she did for me. But just as quickly she was gone, and to this day, (as good as I am at internet searches!) she remains a ghost. Which is a shame, because I miss her, and I would love to see her again just to thank her... But I never again doubted the existence of God.
(And coincidentally, it was proven to me that God couldn't possibly hate gays, as this woman, on a gay-scale of 1 to 10 was "Had David Crosby's child with her wife.")
If you told the me-girl of 11 years ago that she would be here, and who I am this day, you would have gotten the raised eyebrow and probably a nervous laugh.
I'd like to think that 10 years from now if you told the me of today what the future holds, you'd get a confident smile and a nod like, "Yes, of course. I wouldn't have expected any less."
More to come...
Married their high school boyfriends
Moved into houses
In the same zip codes where their parents live
But I, I could never follow
No I, I could never follow
I hit the highway...
February 28, 2007 marks 11 years since I left "home."
I didn't just move out of my parents' house, I left NJ and I didn't look back.
I left with a trunk full of my belongings in my '71 Monte Carlo, the blessings of my mother, and the blatant disowning of my father, and took what would be the first of many 8 hour drives down I-95 to Raleigh, NC. (and later beyond.)
I began a new life, my own life, full of potential to be and do whatever I wanted. I don't think everyone gets a chance like that in life. Or if they do, they chicken out. But if you see the road before you, and it seems so clear and bright, you just can't be afraid to take it. Yes, the unknown is scary. But I think I've always been more afraid of the slow death of the known...
I've learned more about myself in the last 11 years than I think I ever believed I could have when I left.
I learned about and touched and spoke to all walks of life, some I never could or would have just staying in New Jersey. I made fleeting acquaintances and lifelong friends all over the world. I took risks I never thought I could, and experienced things I never thought were possible for me. I had the highest of highs and the most cold rock-bottom lows.
I proved to myself the existence of angels at the depth of one of those lows. Once when I was almost the hands of my own undoing, this angel swept in and saved me from myself, and I will never know whether she had any idea of what she did for me. But just as quickly she was gone, and to this day, (as good as I am at internet searches!) she remains a ghost. Which is a shame, because I miss her, and I would love to see her again just to thank her... But I never again doubted the existence of God.
(And coincidentally, it was proven to me that God couldn't possibly hate gays, as this woman, on a gay-scale of 1 to 10 was "Had David Crosby's child with her wife.")
If you told the me-girl of 11 years ago that she would be here, and who I am this day, you would have gotten the raised eyebrow and probably a nervous laugh.
I'd like to think that 10 years from now if you told the me of today what the future holds, you'd get a confident smile and a nod like, "Yes, of course. I wouldn't have expected any less."
More to come...
Tuesday, November 28
Rear Window
I hate my neighbors. This is no secret to most people.
Not all of them, mind you, just the ones who live downstairs. The Man and the Woman. The ones that, even though they live below me, I can hear them walking around. The chronic door-slammers. The gas-wasting Man who consistently starts one of his vehicles and lets it run for 10 or more minutes before he drives it anywhere. The Man who doesn't own a single quiet vehicle (one is a "larger than anyone should ever need" diesel pickup truck, and the other, a motorfriggingcycle.) It's especially troublesome in the warm months when I have the windows open, and it's 8:30 am on a Saturday morning, we're sleeping, and our bedroom fills with exhaust as the motorfriggingcycle runs and runs. LOUD, it's so loud. And speaking of open windows, did I mention that the Woman likes to smoke on her deck? And remember, she lives below us! Mmm, I love when my whole house smells like smoke instead of fresh air! In the winter, the Woman smokes in the bathroom. How do I know? We can smell it in OUR bathroom. Through the pipes? Through the floor? I have no idea, but it's gross.
They have an Annoying Dog. A big dog, some kind of chocolate lab or rottweiler mix or something. Now, I like dogs. But they like to leave the Dog on the deck in the warm months, so dogs being dogs, it barks at ev.er.y.thing. People. Cars. Birds. The wind. Woof woof woof! When the condo association put out a memo saying that the "decks are not to be used as dog runs" they started keeping him inside. But they leave the window in the dining room open. The Dog is tall enough to see out the window... Woof woof woof!
Also, the Man and the Woman, they like to fuck. Loudly. And fight. Equally loudly. And then fuck again. At first, admittedly, it was amusing. I'm not saying we pressed our ears to the walls and giggled or anything, but...Okay, so we did. But a year later, it's not so funny anymore.
Lately they've been fighting a lot more. Since we stopped listening, I MEAN, from what I can hear, it's been a lot of angry words and door slamming. And less fucking, from what I can tell.
So last week, I noticed that I hadn't seen the Woman in a few days. The Man came and went as normal. (Did I mention he keeps weird hours? He does.) One night, he parked his truck out in front of the building, (and let it run of course) and banged around in his apartment for about 15 minutes. I thought maybe he was moving an appliance in or out or something. But then, I didn't see anything in the back of the truck as he left... Still no sign of the Woman. Then her car was gone the next day. It's been a little more than a week since I've seen her, and almost a week that her car has been gone...
So my new theory is that the Man killed the Woman, disposed of the body, and then got rid of her car somewhere.
What?! It could happen.
Not all of them, mind you, just the ones who live downstairs. The Man and the Woman. The ones that, even though they live below me, I can hear them walking around. The chronic door-slammers. The gas-wasting Man who consistently starts one of his vehicles and lets it run for 10 or more minutes before he drives it anywhere. The Man who doesn't own a single quiet vehicle (one is a "larger than anyone should ever need" diesel pickup truck, and the other, a motorfriggingcycle.) It's especially troublesome in the warm months when I have the windows open, and it's 8:30 am on a Saturday morning, we're sleeping, and our bedroom fills with exhaust as the motorfriggingcycle runs and runs. LOUD, it's so loud. And speaking of open windows, did I mention that the Woman likes to smoke on her deck? And remember, she lives below us! Mmm, I love when my whole house smells like smoke instead of fresh air! In the winter, the Woman smokes in the bathroom. How do I know? We can smell it in OUR bathroom. Through the pipes? Through the floor? I have no idea, but it's gross.
They have an Annoying Dog. A big dog, some kind of chocolate lab or rottweiler mix or something. Now, I like dogs. But they like to leave the Dog on the deck in the warm months, so dogs being dogs, it barks at ev.er.y.thing. People. Cars. Birds. The wind. Woof woof woof! When the condo association put out a memo saying that the "decks are not to be used as dog runs" they started keeping him inside. But they leave the window in the dining room open. The Dog is tall enough to see out the window... Woof woof woof!
Also, the Man and the Woman, they like to fuck. Loudly. And fight. Equally loudly. And then fuck again. At first, admittedly, it was amusing. I'm not saying we pressed our ears to the walls and giggled or anything, but...Okay, so we did. But a year later, it's not so funny anymore.
Lately they've been fighting a lot more. Since we stopped listening, I MEAN, from what I can hear, it's been a lot of angry words and door slamming. And less fucking, from what I can tell.
So last week, I noticed that I hadn't seen the Woman in a few days. The Man came and went as normal. (Did I mention he keeps weird hours? He does.) One night, he parked his truck out in front of the building, (and let it run of course) and banged around in his apartment for about 15 minutes. I thought maybe he was moving an appliance in or out or something. But then, I didn't see anything in the back of the truck as he left... Still no sign of the Woman. Then her car was gone the next day. It's been a little more than a week since I've seen her, and almost a week that her car has been gone...
So my new theory is that the Man killed the Woman, disposed of the body, and then got rid of her car somewhere.
What?! It could happen.
Wednesday, October 18
Much happier blog
I like riding the DC Metro. I guess because I don't have to do it every day, it still has some of its "fun and adventure" quality to me. It's relatively clean, and safe, and it's architecturally pretty nice. It's not very expensive, and it saves me the trouble of having to drive all the way to and from DC, and worrying about a place to park, and driving during rush hour, etc.
I have three things I really like about it, that may seem a bit odd...
First, I love the lights on the platform that flash slowly when the train is coming into the station. It's genius.
Second, I like when you're in an underground station, and it's kind of quiet, and there aren't a lot of people waiting for the train. Suddenly, out of the darkness, comes the headlight of the ghost train.
It looks like any normal train until it gets closer to you. It slows its pace some as it comes into the station, but it's still going too fast to stop. Then you notice the windows are all dark, and there are no passengers. The dark car windows flip by like frames in a silent movie. And then the train is gone, and the station goes back to the quiet of waiting. You'll know when one is coming because the arrival signboard will just say "Train" and however many minutes until the ghost train comes by. It's just a little eerie, but I love when it happens!
The third thing I like is the new "zoetrope"-like ads they've installed in a few stations. As the train reaches its traveling speed in the tunnel, and you look out the window, you'll see an ad that looks like a movie playing. It's an illusion based on the motion of the train and "frames" that have been applied to the tunnel walls. It looks super-cool. It's hard to describe, so you can see the link of someone's footage here.
They have that one for Lincoln, and I've seen ones for Target on the Red Line. I think they're fun!
I have three things I really like about it, that may seem a bit odd...
First, I love the lights on the platform that flash slowly when the train is coming into the station. It's genius.
Second, I like when you're in an underground station, and it's kind of quiet, and there aren't a lot of people waiting for the train. Suddenly, out of the darkness, comes the headlight of the ghost train.
It looks like any normal train until it gets closer to you. It slows its pace some as it comes into the station, but it's still going too fast to stop. Then you notice the windows are all dark, and there are no passengers. The dark car windows flip by like frames in a silent movie. And then the train is gone, and the station goes back to the quiet of waiting. You'll know when one is coming because the arrival signboard will just say "Train" and however many minutes until the ghost train comes by. It's just a little eerie, but I love when it happens!
The third thing I like is the new "zoetrope"-like ads they've installed in a few stations. As the train reaches its traveling speed in the tunnel, and you look out the window, you'll see an ad that looks like a movie playing. It's an illusion based on the motion of the train and "frames" that have been applied to the tunnel walls. It looks super-cool. It's hard to describe, so you can see the link of someone's footage here.
They have that one for Lincoln, and I've seen ones for Target on the Red Line. I think they're fun!
Tuesday, October 17
Pie in the Sky, Part II
Sorry for the lapse. Life's been busy. But Craig said something again last night that made me think some more about those goals...
Two weeks later, the job is still in the air. They've hired the managers, so I'm just waiting for my interview. The other people on my team seem pretty confident that I will still have a job, but I'm still taking the wait-and-see approach. I wanted to start looking for a job but I can't really imagine telling a company that I will need to put them on hold for another 30 days until I have a finite decision.
So that brings me to the problem I'm facing. I can't plan anything further in my life until I know, at the very least, my employment status.
Craig told me the other day that this job is the best job he's ever had. That made me so happy, because I know how much he's really wanted a job that he doesn't loathe going to every day, especially since I saw him at his last job which he HATED. So it means a lot to me that he keep it for a while. That means we won't move anywhere soon.
Looming Unattainable Goal 1: Buy a house
After I lived in apartments for a couple of years, I learned some rules about renting a good place. Don't ever get a place underneath someone else, for example. Top floor only, when possible, end unit, hopefully there's an elevator. Make sure it's got the basics: dishwasher, icemaker, central heat/air, adequate parking. You get the idea. But after the first 5 years, that got old. And now I'm going on 11 years that I've been renting. I want a place I can make my own. I want to paint. I want to put holes in the wall. I want new appliances. I want to spill things on my carpet without worrying about what's going to happen to my deposit. I want a YARD and a garden. All understandable wants and needs.
So where do we live?
In the most wealthy county in the United States. No joke.
Does that mean we're wealthy? Right.
In the last 5 years, Loudoun County's median house price rose from $198,000 to $409,940. Neighboring Fairfax County: from $215,000 in 1999 to $425,700 in 2004.
How do people afford houses that cost that much?? I don't think, in my wildest dreams, we could ever be able to afford that. Not that we'd need too much house either. But you won't find a home here, that's not a townhome or a condo, or a place that's practically in West Virginia, for less than $300K.
To be fair, I haven't determined that perhaps those homes don't really exist, but the realtors don't want to try to sell them. They're obviously not going to make as much money on that house, so why put the effort into it? But I'm also thinking that $200K might just get you some sort of roach-infested firetrap.
Compared to Charlotte, NC where the median home price is still $194K. Some days I really regret leaving...
So that puts my time window for buying a home way into the future. I will have to continue to try and be content for now. Which still means we're getting raped on the price of renting, because if a home costs that much to buy, you can imagine how inflated rent is here too.
Looming Unattainable Goal 2: Have a baby.
Let's face facts: Craig's 28, and a guy, so he can have kids whenever. But I'm 35, and my eggs ain't gettin any fresher! I don't want to be having my first child at 40. And what if he really did get the unfortunate side effect of sterility from the chemotherapy? The longer we wait to find out, the slimmer the chances get that we will succeed.
But who wants to have a baby while they're living in a rented place? Sure, people do it, but do I want to? Not really. That brings us back to goal number one...
Can we afford to have a child? People much poorer than us can do it, so I'm not terribly concerned. How much money should we save? Will I keep working? Do I still have a job? Can you see how this just goes around and around?
Also, I think we wanna make real sure we've done as many things as we want to do together before we put our lives on hold for the next 18 years. Sure, people say that's not how you should do it, but how many people actually live that way? I was lucky when I was a kid, because my dad was a pilot and my mom was a SAHM. So our family still traveled a LOT. I think we could, I just want to know for sure that we're ready. Or at least as ready as we can reasonably prepare for.
We talked about it again briefly last night. I want to be able to come up with some kind of game plan, and because I can't, I'm just incredibly frustrated.
Two weeks later, the job is still in the air. They've hired the managers, so I'm just waiting for my interview. The other people on my team seem pretty confident that I will still have a job, but I'm still taking the wait-and-see approach. I wanted to start looking for a job but I can't really imagine telling a company that I will need to put them on hold for another 30 days until I have a finite decision.
So that brings me to the problem I'm facing. I can't plan anything further in my life until I know, at the very least, my employment status.
Craig told me the other day that this job is the best job he's ever had. That made me so happy, because I know how much he's really wanted a job that he doesn't loathe going to every day, especially since I saw him at his last job which he HATED. So it means a lot to me that he keep it for a while. That means we won't move anywhere soon.
Looming Unattainable Goal 1: Buy a house
After I lived in apartments for a couple of years, I learned some rules about renting a good place. Don't ever get a place underneath someone else, for example. Top floor only, when possible, end unit, hopefully there's an elevator. Make sure it's got the basics: dishwasher, icemaker, central heat/air, adequate parking. You get the idea. But after the first 5 years, that got old. And now I'm going on 11 years that I've been renting. I want a place I can make my own. I want to paint. I want to put holes in the wall. I want new appliances. I want to spill things on my carpet without worrying about what's going to happen to my deposit. I want a YARD and a garden. All understandable wants and needs.
So where do we live?
In the most wealthy county in the United States. No joke.
Does that mean we're wealthy? Right.
In the last 5 years, Loudoun County's median house price rose from $198,000 to $409,940. Neighboring Fairfax County: from $215,000 in 1999 to $425,700 in 2004.
How do people afford houses that cost that much?? I don't think, in my wildest dreams, we could ever be able to afford that. Not that we'd need too much house either. But you won't find a home here, that's not a townhome or a condo, or a place that's practically in West Virginia, for less than $300K.
To be fair, I haven't determined that perhaps those homes don't really exist, but the realtors don't want to try to sell them. They're obviously not going to make as much money on that house, so why put the effort into it? But I'm also thinking that $200K might just get you some sort of roach-infested firetrap.
Compared to Charlotte, NC where the median home price is still $194K. Some days I really regret leaving...
So that puts my time window for buying a home way into the future. I will have to continue to try and be content for now. Which still means we're getting raped on the price of renting, because if a home costs that much to buy, you can imagine how inflated rent is here too.
Looming Unattainable Goal 2: Have a baby.
Let's face facts: Craig's 28, and a guy, so he can have kids whenever. But I'm 35, and my eggs ain't gettin any fresher! I don't want to be having my first child at 40. And what if he really did get the unfortunate side effect of sterility from the chemotherapy? The longer we wait to find out, the slimmer the chances get that we will succeed.
But who wants to have a baby while they're living in a rented place? Sure, people do it, but do I want to? Not really. That brings us back to goal number one...
Can we afford to have a child? People much poorer than us can do it, so I'm not terribly concerned. How much money should we save? Will I keep working? Do I still have a job? Can you see how this just goes around and around?
Also, I think we wanna make real sure we've done as many things as we want to do together before we put our lives on hold for the next 18 years. Sure, people say that's not how you should do it, but how many people actually live that way? I was lucky when I was a kid, because my dad was a pilot and my mom was a SAHM. So our family still traveled a LOT. I think we could, I just want to know for sure that we're ready. Or at least as ready as we can reasonably prepare for.
We talked about it again briefly last night. I want to be able to come up with some kind of game plan, and because I can't, I'm just incredibly frustrated.
Friday, September 29
Pie in the Sky, Part I
I am categorically miserable right now.
Not with my marriage.
My husband is amazing, and I love him more than life itself, and I wouldn't trade him for the world.
My family is perfect. No complaints there.
My health is questionable, but I'm not going to worry about anything I'm not sure of.
It just seems like every other aspect of my life is in disrepair. I have seemingly unattainable goals, which seem attainable for everyone else I know, but somehow I just don't know how to get there.
This is strange and new to me because I'm normally known as the "successful" one. If you ask my friend Sandy, she'll tell you that I've always been the most "together" person she's ever known. If I see something I want, I go for it and just get it done. No problem. And now I feel helpless and lost and I don't know where to begin.
Let's start with my job. For those of you following along at home, I took my current position last June while I was still living in Charlotte. With a promise of better pay, a more flexible schedule, and the chance to use my more technical abilities, it seemed like a fair trade for having to relocate. I moved us to the Washington DC metro area in December. That was the beginning to a long string of very negative circumstances which I don't really feel like enumerating right now. It could turn out to be one of the worst mistakes I've ever made.
Regardless of my situation, Craig got a great job, which he loves, with people who are super-nice, and an ultra-lax dress code, and only about a half hour commute. We're trying to build him some job equity at this place because after being sick and out of work for a year, then moving to Charlotte and holding a job there for only a year, it's not looking healthy on his resume. So this is the perfect opportunity for him. Plus, he's already being recognized as a valuable employee, and has received a promotion and a raise. It's in our best interest to keep him there.
Meanwhile, at my job, my team is being "restructured." In short, what that means is that they're laying everyone off, and if you want to apply for one of the "new" jobs, and you're in a particular region like me, you're basically re-applying for your own job.
The main reasons I think this happened are:
1. They wanted to fire some people, and in this litigious era, this is the easiest way. I've seen it before. It's true there are fewer fitting/available positions then there are people currently on my team.
2. The team really WAS in need of a redirect. We've had no structure, no real cause, our duties are vague. My boss's boss told me that I was sort of a "test" subject for her when I got hired because she wanted to see what my "training" and learning curve was like with the team in its current state. She said she's watched me struggle, and I'm part of the reason this is happening. Okay, at least that means it may get better!
3. Our team works non-billable hours. They want to start charging people for our services. This may work, or it may mean I have less to do because people don't want to pay. We'll have to see.
Anyway, at this point in time, I am VERY reluctant to start any new projects. What if I do get pushed out of this position? If I've busted my ass for the last month while I'm waiting to be rehired, and they give the job to someone else, I'll be PISSED. So I feel I'm in a terribly awkward position.
And I haven't heard anything for about 3 weeks. We were told they would be hiring the managers first as to have them take part in hiring their staff. That's fine, but the waiting is agonizing.
The real kick in the ass is that I can't quit and find another job. When I relocated, they paid me a sizeable lump sum to cover my relocation expenses. But I had to sign a form saying that I would have to stay with the company for at least 2 years, or I would have to pay all or a portion of the money back depending upon the time I stayed. Now I asked HR, if my job were being eliminated as it is, and I found some other opportunity, would I still have to pay the money back? I was told that I would be considered for the position, but if I didn't get it, I still have 90 days to find something else within the company. If I quit before that 90 days is up, I have to pay back the money. If I can't find anything within that 90 days, I would be relieved of the obligation.
So they basically have me in a bind. Can't quit, just have to wait and see what happens.
Limbo=death
Well, it's bedtime though. I'll be back with the implications of all this, including my seemingly unattainable goals, later...
Not with my marriage.
My husband is amazing, and I love him more than life itself, and I wouldn't trade him for the world.
My family is perfect. No complaints there.
My health is questionable, but I'm not going to worry about anything I'm not sure of.
It just seems like every other aspect of my life is in disrepair. I have seemingly unattainable goals, which seem attainable for everyone else I know, but somehow I just don't know how to get there.
This is strange and new to me because I'm normally known as the "successful" one. If you ask my friend Sandy, she'll tell you that I've always been the most "together" person she's ever known. If I see something I want, I go for it and just get it done. No problem. And now I feel helpless and lost and I don't know where to begin.
Let's start with my job. For those of you following along at home, I took my current position last June while I was still living in Charlotte. With a promise of better pay, a more flexible schedule, and the chance to use my more technical abilities, it seemed like a fair trade for having to relocate. I moved us to the Washington DC metro area in December. That was the beginning to a long string of very negative circumstances which I don't really feel like enumerating right now. It could turn out to be one of the worst mistakes I've ever made.
Regardless of my situation, Craig got a great job, which he loves, with people who are super-nice, and an ultra-lax dress code, and only about a half hour commute. We're trying to build him some job equity at this place because after being sick and out of work for a year, then moving to Charlotte and holding a job there for only a year, it's not looking healthy on his resume. So this is the perfect opportunity for him. Plus, he's already being recognized as a valuable employee, and has received a promotion and a raise. It's in our best interest to keep him there.
Meanwhile, at my job, my team is being "restructured." In short, what that means is that they're laying everyone off, and if you want to apply for one of the "new" jobs, and you're in a particular region like me, you're basically re-applying for your own job.
The main reasons I think this happened are:
1. They wanted to fire some people, and in this litigious era, this is the easiest way. I've seen it before. It's true there are fewer fitting/available positions then there are people currently on my team.
2. The team really WAS in need of a redirect. We've had no structure, no real cause, our duties are vague. My boss's boss told me that I was sort of a "test" subject for her when I got hired because she wanted to see what my "training" and learning curve was like with the team in its current state. She said she's watched me struggle, and I'm part of the reason this is happening. Okay, at least that means it may get better!
3. Our team works non-billable hours. They want to start charging people for our services. This may work, or it may mean I have less to do because people don't want to pay. We'll have to see.
Anyway, at this point in time, I am VERY reluctant to start any new projects. What if I do get pushed out of this position? If I've busted my ass for the last month while I'm waiting to be rehired, and they give the job to someone else, I'll be PISSED. So I feel I'm in a terribly awkward position.
And I haven't heard anything for about 3 weeks. We were told they would be hiring the managers first as to have them take part in hiring their staff. That's fine, but the waiting is agonizing.
The real kick in the ass is that I can't quit and find another job. When I relocated, they paid me a sizeable lump sum to cover my relocation expenses. But I had to sign a form saying that I would have to stay with the company for at least 2 years, or I would have to pay all or a portion of the money back depending upon the time I stayed. Now I asked HR, if my job were being eliminated as it is, and I found some other opportunity, would I still have to pay the money back? I was told that I would be considered for the position, but if I didn't get it, I still have 90 days to find something else within the company. If I quit before that 90 days is up, I have to pay back the money. If I can't find anything within that 90 days, I would be relieved of the obligation.
So they basically have me in a bind. Can't quit, just have to wait and see what happens.
Limbo=death
Well, it's bedtime though. I'll be back with the implications of all this, including my seemingly unattainable goals, later...
Friday, September 8
Useless Mental Exercise
Sometimes when I can't sleep, I lie in bed and create mental exercises for myself to distract my thoughts just enough that I can drift off. For example, I picture a blackboard in my head, and write the number 100 on it in chalk. Then I erase it. Then I write 99. Then I erase it. I never get all the way to zero.
Another one is to logically think out minute by minute what I would do if I discovered I won the lottery.
Wouldn't it be great here if I just went: GOOD THING I DID THAT BECAUSE I WON!!!!!!!
I didn't.
Anyway, I'll just go through the process. What the excitement would be like, would I call someone right away, how would I plan for the future?
Well, the other night I watched too much "Miami Ink" before I went to bed, and it occurred to me to wonder, "Why did I never decide to become a tattoo artist??" I have the creativity and artistic talent, and even if I was only half good, there's a portion of the art that's tracing or riffing off other things that have already been drawn. I have the manual dexterity to work the tools of the trade. I think tattoos are pretty damn cool. The work atmosphere is good, you can wear what you want, and if you get good enough at it, it earns you prestige and money.
I guess, and I certainly don't mean this as any disrespect to anyone in the profession, that it would be squandering of my more cerebral talents. I don't know any tattoo artists with MBAs or advanced technical certifications. While they all seem to love their jobs, I get the impression from some of the ones I know that it was a natural path for them because they just didn't have the head or the attitude for anything else. Some of the other ones I know were like, it was this or another trade, like construction or mechanics.
That's never been my slant, but I'm not sure why. How did I get steered into the business world? Because that was where the money is and that's what I thought I wanted?
Then I get to thinking that no matter how many "hands on" jobs I've gotten into, it seems when you get too good at it, the first thing they want to do is move you into management. And so I went. Sometimes willingly, and sometimes just for the money or the experience. And I'm good at it, so why not?
But I guess I've just started looking for other things in my life now, especially having just had a birthday that qualifies for the start of my "mid-life" years. I'm going to keep my eyes open for as many opportunities as possible.
Would I like to get into tattooing? Totally.
Another one is to logically think out minute by minute what I would do if I discovered I won the lottery.
Wouldn't it be great here if I just went: GOOD THING I DID THAT BECAUSE I WON!!!!!!!
I didn't.
Anyway, I'll just go through the process. What the excitement would be like, would I call someone right away, how would I plan for the future?
Well, the other night I watched too much "Miami Ink" before I went to bed, and it occurred to me to wonder, "Why did I never decide to become a tattoo artist??" I have the creativity and artistic talent, and even if I was only half good, there's a portion of the art that's tracing or riffing off other things that have already been drawn. I have the manual dexterity to work the tools of the trade. I think tattoos are pretty damn cool. The work atmosphere is good, you can wear what you want, and if you get good enough at it, it earns you prestige and money.
I guess, and I certainly don't mean this as any disrespect to anyone in the profession, that it would be squandering of my more cerebral talents. I don't know any tattoo artists with MBAs or advanced technical certifications. While they all seem to love their jobs, I get the impression from some of the ones I know that it was a natural path for them because they just didn't have the head or the attitude for anything else. Some of the other ones I know were like, it was this or another trade, like construction or mechanics.
That's never been my slant, but I'm not sure why. How did I get steered into the business world? Because that was where the money is and that's what I thought I wanted?
Then I get to thinking that no matter how many "hands on" jobs I've gotten into, it seems when you get too good at it, the first thing they want to do is move you into management. And so I went. Sometimes willingly, and sometimes just for the money or the experience. And I'm good at it, so why not?
But I guess I've just started looking for other things in my life now, especially having just had a birthday that qualifies for the start of my "mid-life" years. I'm going to keep my eyes open for as many opportunities as possible.
Would I like to get into tattooing? Totally.
Wednesday, August 9
Goodyear? More like...
I have 97 Saturn SL2 that I was well aware probably needed a new alternator, because it was making some noise, and probably also needed a new engine temperature sensor. Craig had a lukewarm-at-best experience with an auto repair place here, so I decided since this new Goodyear service station was down the road, maybe I would try taking it to them for an evaluation.
My hand was forced last week when I went to lunch with Craig, brought him back to the office, and my car wouldn't start. I had a nearly dead battery. Fortunately the battery was under warranty with AutoZone, so that was an easy replacement, and I was able to get it home. But I wanted to bring it to Goodyear to get the voltage checked and make sure the alternator was charging correctly.
Now let me preface this by saying that although I'm a woman, I know a good deal about cars. I grew up around my dad who always had 4 or 5 cars in the driveway, and he always did all his own maintenance, including all the work on my first car: a '71 Monte Carlo which had been in the family since new. He never once dismissed my questions because I'm a girl, and actually encouraged me to work along with him. So let's assume I know a little about cars.
I called the shop the night before I came in to check the hours and see if they were okay just doing a diagnostic for me. I spoke to Steve, who was friendly and helpful...
When I brought my car over the next day, I was barely greeted by a man at the counter. He hardly looked at me the whole time I spoke to him. I explained that I just replaced my battery the previous night, and I wanted them to check the system to make sure it was charging correctly. The clerk asked me twice if I had been in there before, which I had not. He took my information and asked if there was anything else I needed. I told him that I wanted them to take a look at the engine temperature sensor, because I sometimes get weird readings from the gauge in the dash. It will be scorching heat and my gauge will barely show an increase, and other times it appears to be working normally.
The clerk looked at me like I was speaking Chinese. Trying to be helpful, I said, "You know, coolant temperature?" He called over the other person working at the desk and briefly mumbled a question like "...temperature sensor?" I explained it over again to the second guy, and added, "You know, if it's not working, that auxiliary fan isn't going to kick in..." Without responding to me directly, or even missing a beat, the second guy told the first guy, "Eighty five dollars."
I was a little stunned, because, $85?? Guy #1 asked if that was okay, and said they had to hook it up to the diagnostic computers, and it would probably be a while, blah blah blah. So I figured, okay, fine. He printed up an estimate and told me it would probably be a couple of hours. He DID ask me if I needed a ride home, but since I only live a couple of blocks away, I said I would just walk.
And then he didn't say anything... So I said, "So you'll call me when it's ready?" and he just gave me half a nod and looked back down at the counter. No thank you or anything. So I left.
About an hour later, I got a call from the station and the caller asked if it was okay if I talked to the technician working on my car. I said, "Sure." (For obvious reasons, I actually prefer that.) He told me my alternator was acually OVERcharging, and since it was making some noise too, it should probably be replaced. He then proceeded to explain the dangers of overcharging, etc etc, and I said fine, thanks. I asked him what the voltage reading actually was and it was 15.5-16 v. (Normal is around 14.)
Then he asked me about the temp sensor and I told him what I told the other guys. He asked some good questions, and we actually had a nice, intelligent conversation. This was the most positive experience of the day so far! He said they would give me a call again in a bit, and I thanked him for his time.
About an hour after that, I received a call from the service manager, who had the details of my diagnostics and a quote. First, the alternator.
The alternator was overcharging and would need to be replaced. However, it was almost all labor because they needed to remove the power steering pump to get to it. Their estimate:
SEVEN HUNDRED FIFTY DOLLARS.
My jaw dropped. Was he SERIOUS? That was the most far-fetched outrageous quote I think I've ever heard. I told him that about 6 years ago, I had the alternator replaced by the Saturn dealership. Now we all know that the dealership is the LAST place you're ever going to get a bargain. The dealership's total cost? $350, AND they had installed a brand new battery. The service manager's reply? "Oh, well, that's the price. It's very hard to get to."
They also estimated that the temperature sensor and thermostat needed to be replaced, and once again labor-related it would be ANOTHER SEVEN HUNDRED DOLLARS. At this point I knew they were out of their minds. The thing is in a relatively easy to get to place. I had gotten a quote from Saturn for $250 when they first discovered the sensor looked a bit corroded, but it wasn't a big problem right then.
So I asked the man on the phone if he was the service writer, and he said no, but he was the service manager. I was absolutely flabbergasted, and there was a silence of several seconds on the phone. He said I didn't have to make up my mind right now, and honestly he didn't think he could do it today. (He STILL thought I was going to get it done there!!!) I said regardless that I couldn't be without my car, so I would come pick it up tonight, and that I absolutely wanted a copy of that quote.
So when Craig got home from work, he dropped me off and went to get gas. I went in and the lady at the counter was helping someone else, but she acknowledged me and said it would be just a moment. However, guy #1 was still there and just got my paperwork out and called me over. Which was only the second positive experience of the whole day.
He told me that the diagnostics would be $100, and showed me my copy of the quote. Things I learned from the quote:
They added a coolant flush. They added a second set of diagnostics just like the ones I had just received. And they seriously believed I was going to pay $1600 for a job that AT THE DEALERSHIP wouldn't cost me more than $600!
I explained to guy #1 that I had brought with me my service bill from the first time I had the alternator replaced. See, $350. He just said, "Huh...Can I make a copy of that?" I told him go right ahead, and that maybe it will help them because not everyone would be like, "Okay, sure I'll pay $750 for this job." He just shrugged.
A brief exchange to pay for the diagnostics later, I was taking my car home.
No attempt to make things right.
No apology or explanation for trying to rip me off so heinously.
No effort to make adjustments or offer alternatives or suggestions.
Absolutely one of the lamest, most unfulfilling service experiences I've ever had.
Lessons and Resolutions?
Perhaps they would have treated my husband better. Maybe it's just the paranoia from being treated poorly at service stations for years and years, but it's hard to get away from that feeling.
Things I secretly knew about before I brought my car in to them:
1. You don't need to remove the PS pump on that car to get to the alternator. You can go in through the passenger side wheel well. A good tech with a lift can do the whole job in about 45 minutes.
2. I'm not really all that worried about the temperature sensor. In my car, running the AC switches on that aux fan, and I'll certainly be using the AC. However, malfunctioning can make the engine run a little screwy, and consequently also won't be good for gas mileage. Also, I don't think there's anything wrong with the thermostat. I'm pretty sure all I've got is a bad connector.
3. Yes, the alternator may have been overcharging a little. But it was a brand new battery. They do that sometimes when you put a new battery in because who knows how long that battery had been sitting on the shelf? It could have lost some charge and the alternator was trying to compensate a bit.
So I had to take a trip to NJ this weekend to see the family for my sister's suprise wedding shower. I told my dad about the whole thing. He was as shocked and appalled as I was, but glad that I stood up for myself.
We tested the voltage: 14.1 v.
The alternator WAS still making a whining sound though. He bought an alternator from Napa for $95, and we put it in. My final cost? A couple of hours of tech support for his computers!![[Wink]](https://lh3.googleusercontent.com/blogger_img_proxy/AEn0k_vt1mRN5lTp8tTFwoL_eSMNv967hTVkhZHS4cli0lB4rLTzxdB0ijl3dejA439TIw11AsTMYcnH5nnlY9-AXOfazei57rHnB-Q7=s0-d)
I still will need to get that temperature thing fixed, but I'd go back to the dealership before I'd go back to that shop...
My hand was forced last week when I went to lunch with Craig, brought him back to the office, and my car wouldn't start. I had a nearly dead battery. Fortunately the battery was under warranty with AutoZone, so that was an easy replacement, and I was able to get it home. But I wanted to bring it to Goodyear to get the voltage checked and make sure the alternator was charging correctly.
Now let me preface this by saying that although I'm a woman, I know a good deal about cars. I grew up around my dad who always had 4 or 5 cars in the driveway, and he always did all his own maintenance, including all the work on my first car: a '71 Monte Carlo which had been in the family since new. He never once dismissed my questions because I'm a girl, and actually encouraged me to work along with him. So let's assume I know a little about cars.
I called the shop the night before I came in to check the hours and see if they were okay just doing a diagnostic for me. I spoke to Steve, who was friendly and helpful...
When I brought my car over the next day, I was barely greeted by a man at the counter. He hardly looked at me the whole time I spoke to him. I explained that I just replaced my battery the previous night, and I wanted them to check the system to make sure it was charging correctly. The clerk asked me twice if I had been in there before, which I had not. He took my information and asked if there was anything else I needed. I told him that I wanted them to take a look at the engine temperature sensor, because I sometimes get weird readings from the gauge in the dash. It will be scorching heat and my gauge will barely show an increase, and other times it appears to be working normally.
The clerk looked at me like I was speaking Chinese. Trying to be helpful, I said, "You know, coolant temperature?" He called over the other person working at the desk and briefly mumbled a question like "...temperature sensor?" I explained it over again to the second guy, and added, "You know, if it's not working, that auxiliary fan isn't going to kick in..." Without responding to me directly, or even missing a beat, the second guy told the first guy, "Eighty five dollars."
I was a little stunned, because, $85?? Guy #1 asked if that was okay, and said they had to hook it up to the diagnostic computers, and it would probably be a while, blah blah blah. So I figured, okay, fine. He printed up an estimate and told me it would probably be a couple of hours. He DID ask me if I needed a ride home, but since I only live a couple of blocks away, I said I would just walk.
And then he didn't say anything... So I said, "So you'll call me when it's ready?" and he just gave me half a nod and looked back down at the counter. No thank you or anything. So I left.
About an hour later, I got a call from the station and the caller asked if it was okay if I talked to the technician working on my car. I said, "Sure." (For obvious reasons, I actually prefer that.) He told me my alternator was acually OVERcharging, and since it was making some noise too, it should probably be replaced. He then proceeded to explain the dangers of overcharging, etc etc, and I said fine, thanks. I asked him what the voltage reading actually was and it was 15.5-16 v. (Normal is around 14.)
Then he asked me about the temp sensor and I told him what I told the other guys. He asked some good questions, and we actually had a nice, intelligent conversation. This was the most positive experience of the day so far! He said they would give me a call again in a bit, and I thanked him for his time.
About an hour after that, I received a call from the service manager, who had the details of my diagnostics and a quote. First, the alternator.
The alternator was overcharging and would need to be replaced. However, it was almost all labor because they needed to remove the power steering pump to get to it. Their estimate:
SEVEN HUNDRED FIFTY DOLLARS.
My jaw dropped. Was he SERIOUS? That was the most far-fetched outrageous quote I think I've ever heard. I told him that about 6 years ago, I had the alternator replaced by the Saturn dealership. Now we all know that the dealership is the LAST place you're ever going to get a bargain. The dealership's total cost? $350, AND they had installed a brand new battery. The service manager's reply? "Oh, well, that's the price. It's very hard to get to."
They also estimated that the temperature sensor and thermostat needed to be replaced, and once again labor-related it would be ANOTHER SEVEN HUNDRED DOLLARS. At this point I knew they were out of their minds. The thing is in a relatively easy to get to place. I had gotten a quote from Saturn for $250 when they first discovered the sensor looked a bit corroded, but it wasn't a big problem right then.
So I asked the man on the phone if he was the service writer, and he said no, but he was the service manager. I was absolutely flabbergasted, and there was a silence of several seconds on the phone. He said I didn't have to make up my mind right now, and honestly he didn't think he could do it today. (He STILL thought I was going to get it done there!!!) I said regardless that I couldn't be without my car, so I would come pick it up tonight, and that I absolutely wanted a copy of that quote.
So when Craig got home from work, he dropped me off and went to get gas. I went in and the lady at the counter was helping someone else, but she acknowledged me and said it would be just a moment. However, guy #1 was still there and just got my paperwork out and called me over. Which was only the second positive experience of the whole day.
He told me that the diagnostics would be $100, and showed me my copy of the quote. Things I learned from the quote:
They added a coolant flush. They added a second set of diagnostics just like the ones I had just received. And they seriously believed I was going to pay $1600 for a job that AT THE DEALERSHIP wouldn't cost me more than $600!
I explained to guy #1 that I had brought with me my service bill from the first time I had the alternator replaced. See, $350. He just said, "Huh...Can I make a copy of that?" I told him go right ahead, and that maybe it will help them because not everyone would be like, "Okay, sure I'll pay $750 for this job." He just shrugged.
A brief exchange to pay for the diagnostics later, I was taking my car home.
No attempt to make things right.
No apology or explanation for trying to rip me off so heinously.
No effort to make adjustments or offer alternatives or suggestions.
Absolutely one of the lamest, most unfulfilling service experiences I've ever had.
Lessons and Resolutions?
Perhaps they would have treated my husband better. Maybe it's just the paranoia from being treated poorly at service stations for years and years, but it's hard to get away from that feeling.
Things I secretly knew about before I brought my car in to them:
1. You don't need to remove the PS pump on that car to get to the alternator. You can go in through the passenger side wheel well. A good tech with a lift can do the whole job in about 45 minutes.
2. I'm not really all that worried about the temperature sensor. In my car, running the AC switches on that aux fan, and I'll certainly be using the AC. However, malfunctioning can make the engine run a little screwy, and consequently also won't be good for gas mileage. Also, I don't think there's anything wrong with the thermostat. I'm pretty sure all I've got is a bad connector.
3. Yes, the alternator may have been overcharging a little. But it was a brand new battery. They do that sometimes when you put a new battery in because who knows how long that battery had been sitting on the shelf? It could have lost some charge and the alternator was trying to compensate a bit.
So I had to take a trip to NJ this weekend to see the family for my sister's suprise wedding shower. I told my dad about the whole thing. He was as shocked and appalled as I was, but glad that I stood up for myself.
We tested the voltage: 14.1 v.
The alternator WAS still making a whining sound though. He bought an alternator from Napa for $95, and we put it in. My final cost? A couple of hours of tech support for his computers!
I still will need to get that temperature thing fixed, but I'd go back to the dealership before I'd go back to that shop...
Tuesday, August 8
The world stops when you don't leave the house.
Or at least it seems that way.
I work from home most days. This means great things for us: we save on gas money and/or me eating lunch out, I get a few chores and errands done sometimes in between job tasks, (it only takes a second to throw a load of laundry in), I can have dinner ready when Craig gets home from work, etc.
But there's a crazy amount of isolation that happens when you just don't SEE people. Sure I call and email people all day long. But I've always been a much bigger fan of face-to-face interaction.
Craig and I both have issues with the phone. I would rather drive over to a store to see what they've got than call them up and wait for some (usually clueless or ill-tempered) person to check on something for me. I would take a face-to-face meeting over a conference call any day. I'm working on getting over my issues, because in my business I have to, but it's still a challenge.
I had a nice breakfast meeting with my boss's boss last Thursday. It seems our team is going to be "restructured." It's possible we will have to reapply for our jobs. Some people, based on their previous performance, will be "less eligible" than others. If she and I had just had a phone call, I don't think it would have been the same meeting. She had prepared a little presentation handout to show me that kind of explained the whole thing. It was much easier to look her in the face and ask questions, and really gauge her response, than it ever would have been to gather all that over the phone.
So back to the original point... What if you don't see people for days and days? You end up in your own little bubble. Your own little self-referential hidey hole. A comfort zone of sorts where everything else outside of that is put on hold. It will still be there when you come out, and nothing will have changed.
I work from home most days. This means great things for us: we save on gas money and/or me eating lunch out, I get a few chores and errands done sometimes in between job tasks, (it only takes a second to throw a load of laundry in), I can have dinner ready when Craig gets home from work, etc.
But there's a crazy amount of isolation that happens when you just don't SEE people. Sure I call and email people all day long. But I've always been a much bigger fan of face-to-face interaction.
Craig and I both have issues with the phone. I would rather drive over to a store to see what they've got than call them up and wait for some (usually clueless or ill-tempered) person to check on something for me. I would take a face-to-face meeting over a conference call any day. I'm working on getting over my issues, because in my business I have to, but it's still a challenge.
I had a nice breakfast meeting with my boss's boss last Thursday. It seems our team is going to be "restructured." It's possible we will have to reapply for our jobs. Some people, based on their previous performance, will be "less eligible" than others. If she and I had just had a phone call, I don't think it would have been the same meeting. She had prepared a little presentation handout to show me that kind of explained the whole thing. It was much easier to look her in the face and ask questions, and really gauge her response, than it ever would have been to gather all that over the phone.
So back to the original point... What if you don't see people for days and days? You end up in your own little bubble. Your own little self-referential hidey hole. A comfort zone of sorts where everything else outside of that is put on hold. It will still be there when you come out, and nothing will have changed.
Sunday, July 23
Disconnected, please try again.
I was watching Clerks II yesterday (for the third time!) and I feel a lot like Randal at the end, where he's lamenting how he doesn't want to have to start making new friends at his age. I feel the same way.
It's so much easier to become complacent, to live in your own insulated bubble.
Craig made a good point about it yesterday. He said that there are different stages in your life where you make friends. In school, it's the people you go to school with. When you're in college, it's the people you live with and take classes with because you have similar interests. When you get a job, it's the people you work with, and then when you have kids, you make friends with the parents of your kids' friends.
We moved in-between stages.
I had already made the work friends, and the people-with-similar-interests friends. Then we moved. Now I work from home most days, so my opportunities to meet people are much smaller. Even the days I do go to the office, my coworkers are all older than I am, or we just have absolutely nothing in common. They're nice enough acquaintances, but I probably wouldn't go further than have lunch with them one day.
We of course don't have children yet.
I'm still puzzled as to how grownups make friends. Especially ones that live in the wings like I do. I'm not like everyone else, and consequently, I've attracted a husband who's not like everyone else. We don't watch sports, or Desperate Housewives. We don't like going to bars or clubs and dancing. Our taste in music is even along the sidelines. The fact is, we're specialized in what we like.
So we spend a lot of time online. When your social network is the WORLD, the opportunities to find the commonalities are that much bigger. And we've made some really lovely online friends. But when the people you feel closest to on the inside are possibly on the other side of the continent or across the ocean, it doesn't really make for good dinner plans.
It's so much easier to become complacent, to live in your own insulated bubble.
Craig made a good point about it yesterday. He said that there are different stages in your life where you make friends. In school, it's the people you go to school with. When you're in college, it's the people you live with and take classes with because you have similar interests. When you get a job, it's the people you work with, and then when you have kids, you make friends with the parents of your kids' friends.
We moved in-between stages.
I had already made the work friends, and the people-with-similar-interests friends. Then we moved. Now I work from home most days, so my opportunities to meet people are much smaller. Even the days I do go to the office, my coworkers are all older than I am, or we just have absolutely nothing in common. They're nice enough acquaintances, but I probably wouldn't go further than have lunch with them one day.
We of course don't have children yet.
I'm still puzzled as to how grownups make friends. Especially ones that live in the wings like I do. I'm not like everyone else, and consequently, I've attracted a husband who's not like everyone else. We don't watch sports, or Desperate Housewives. We don't like going to bars or clubs and dancing. Our taste in music is even along the sidelines. The fact is, we're specialized in what we like.
So we spend a lot of time online. When your social network is the WORLD, the opportunities to find the commonalities are that much bigger. And we've made some really lovely online friends. But when the people you feel closest to on the inside are possibly on the other side of the continent or across the ocean, it doesn't really make for good dinner plans.
Saturday, July 22
Disconnected
Sometimes I think no matter how hard I try I will always be a solitary person.
It seems no matter how I make an effort, reach out to be social, chat it up with a person or two, I walk away alone.
I lived in Charlotte for 8 years and I can probably count on one hand the people I consider real friends. The people that I would go back to see. The people I know that if I said, "Come to my wedding - I know it's in NJ but please try" that would be there come hell or high water.
Sometimes it takes a long time to figure out who these people are. But when you do it's worth it.
I know too that the handful of real friends I do have understand me. They know if I go off for a little while and they don't hear from me, that everything's okay, and that they don't need to worry. They don't have to wonder if we're still friends. When I see them again, we just pick up where we left off, whether that was a week ago, a month ago or nearly a year.
They know that I will just go away for a while too. And they're okay with it.
I'm not much of a talker in a social setting. I'm much more of a listener. I love to have conversations with the kind of people who guarantee that there will never be an awkward silence. Whether that means that I'm listening to their story about the latest in their tragic love life, or just the great place they had lunch yesterday, it doesn't matter. I will sit and absorb it all. I'm a pretty active listener; I will take and feedback and ask questions and really wait to hear the answer. I just would rather listen to anyone speak than have to tell what I feel are really boring stories about myself.
There's that line from Fight Club where Marla says that no one listens, they're just waiting for their turn to speak. I've always strived to be the opposite of that.
And maybe that's why when I'm put on the spot I have a hard time being idly conversational. I come off as boring. I seem aloof. People worry that I'm judging them because I don't talk. Really, I'm just so interested in what THEY have to say, that I'm not even thinking about myself and what to say next.
It seems no matter how I make an effort, reach out to be social, chat it up with a person or two, I walk away alone.
I lived in Charlotte for 8 years and I can probably count on one hand the people I consider real friends. The people that I would go back to see. The people I know that if I said, "Come to my wedding - I know it's in NJ but please try" that would be there come hell or high water.
Sometimes it takes a long time to figure out who these people are. But when you do it's worth it.
I know too that the handful of real friends I do have understand me. They know if I go off for a little while and they don't hear from me, that everything's okay, and that they don't need to worry. They don't have to wonder if we're still friends. When I see them again, we just pick up where we left off, whether that was a week ago, a month ago or nearly a year.
They know that I will just go away for a while too. And they're okay with it.
I'm not much of a talker in a social setting. I'm much more of a listener. I love to have conversations with the kind of people who guarantee that there will never be an awkward silence. Whether that means that I'm listening to their story about the latest in their tragic love life, or just the great place they had lunch yesterday, it doesn't matter. I will sit and absorb it all. I'm a pretty active listener; I will take and feedback and ask questions and really wait to hear the answer. I just would rather listen to anyone speak than have to tell what I feel are really boring stories about myself.
There's that line from Fight Club where Marla says that no one listens, they're just waiting for their turn to speak. I've always strived to be the opposite of that.
And maybe that's why when I'm put on the spot I have a hard time being idly conversational. I come off as boring. I seem aloof. People worry that I'm judging them because I don't talk. Really, I'm just so interested in what THEY have to say, that I'm not even thinking about myself and what to say next.
Friday, March 31
Chain Mania
Have you ever been sucked in by a chain restaurant without ever realizing it was a chain? It's happened to me at least a few times.
When I was just out of high school, my friends and I went all the way out to Hazlet to go to the Macaroni Grill. We thought it was such a kick that they had these pieces of paper on the table that you could draw on while you waited for your food. The food was just okay, but...the entertainment value of that paper was priceless!
Now there's lots of places that do that of course. And then I started seeing that restaurant a lot more often.
When I lived in NC, I got sucked in by Carrabbas. Now there was some good food. They gave you a TON for a reasonable price. I used to take my parents there when they would visit.
Also a chain.
Then when I moved to Charlotte, I was really into PF Changs for a while. Mmm lettuce wraps.
Damn, also a chain.
Then there was Rock Bottom Brewery. How are you going to claim to be a micro-brewery when you're really a chain restaurant?? For shame.
At least those were honest, easy to make mistakes, and not like I got sucked in by the Hard Rock Cafe or something...
When I was just out of high school, my friends and I went all the way out to Hazlet to go to the Macaroni Grill. We thought it was such a kick that they had these pieces of paper on the table that you could draw on while you waited for your food. The food was just okay, but...the entertainment value of that paper was priceless!
Now there's lots of places that do that of course. And then I started seeing that restaurant a lot more often.
When I lived in NC, I got sucked in by Carrabbas. Now there was some good food. They gave you a TON for a reasonable price. I used to take my parents there when they would visit.
Also a chain.
Then when I moved to Charlotte, I was really into PF Changs for a while. Mmm lettuce wraps.
Damn, also a chain.
Then there was Rock Bottom Brewery. How are you going to claim to be a micro-brewery when you're really a chain restaurant?? For shame.
At least those were honest, easy to make mistakes, and not like I got sucked in by the Hard Rock Cafe or something...
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