Holy fuck, THIS is what I've been fighting! :

If you suffer with a general social phobia, you will tend to worry about becoming the centre of attention anywhere you find yourself with other people. You will find yourself worrying that everybody is looking at you and noticing what you are doing. You may fear being introduced to other people and may even worry about eating or drinking in public. It may be difficult for you to go into shops or restaurants. You may feel so embarrassed about undressing in public that you can't face going to the beach. It may also be difficult for you to confront your boss or colleagues, even when you really ought to.

Parties are likely to be particularly difficult. Many of us will hesitate slightly before going into a room full of people. If you have a social phobia, you may tend to hover around the entrance or outer rooms - some people believe they are claustrophobic because of these feelings. When you finally get into the room with other people, it may feel as though everybody is looking at you. It can be tempting to use alcohol to help yourself cope, starting to drink before going to a pub or party, so that you can loosen up and relax enough to actually enjoy it.
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Up until this very moment when I read that, I thought I WAS claustrophobic... Now I think not so much.

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Social phobia, also called social anxiety, is a disorder characterized by overwhelming anxiety and excessive self-consciousness in everyday social situations. People with social phobia have a persistent, intense, and chronic fear of being watched and judged by others and of being embarrassed or humiliated by their own actions. Their fear may be so severe that it interferes with work or school - and other ordinary activities. While many people with social phobia recognize that their fear of being around people may be excessive or unreasonable, they are unable to overcome it. They often worry for days or weeks in advance of a dreaded situation.

Social phobia can be limited to only one type of situation - such as a fear of speaking in formal or informal situations, or eating or drinking in front of others - or, in its most severe form, may be so broad that a person experiences symptoms almost anytime they are around other people. Social phobia can be very debilitating - it may even keep people from going to work or school on some days. Many people with this illness have a hard time making and keeping friends.

Physical symptoms often accompany the intense anxiety of social phobia and include blushing, profuse sweating, trembling, and other symptoms of anxiety, including difficulty talking and nausea or other stomach discomfort. These visible symptoms heighten the fear of disapproval and the symptoms themselves can become an additional focus of fear. Fear of symptoms can create a vicious cycle: as people with social phobia worry about experiencing the symptoms, the greater their chances of developing the symptoms.. Social phobia often runs in families and may be accompanied by depression or alcohol dependence.



I've found that I feel less this way when I'm on the anti-depressants, and now I have evidence that this is well-founded. I'm shocked.

And at the same time a little relieved. I was afraid that I was becoming agoraphobic. Maybe it's just intense social anxiety!

My sister knows the extent to which I've worried that I'm becoming a hermit...

I have to F O R C E myself to go out and do things. It's the motivation behind my never wanting to use the phone. I now do most of my shopping on the internet. There are days at the worst of it where I consider calling out "sick" from work because I don't want to have to deal. It's a HUGE accomplishment for me to go pretty much anywhere social where there are going to be people I don't know. Again, I have to really force myself...