I think we all kind of take for granted what we have every day. We'd all be better off pouring that time and energy that we spend worrying about useless things into trying to help other people.
It hit me the other day when I was at work and I had a phone conversation with my sister in Philly. We were talking about the hurricane disaster. She said, "So, if the whole place is flooded, what about the alligators? And the snakes and the bugs? Are they just swimming around now?"
And I said, "Hmm...didn't think of that. Probably."
"And what about all the cemeteries? They're probably all under water now too, right?"
"Er...yeah. Likely."
And we got to talking about just how horrible it had to be to have a developed area be not only destroyed, but under-freaking-water. The Florida coast, the NC coast, all those hurricane-hit areas get devastated, but they can pick up and rebuild. Can't likely do that when your land is under 30 feet of water.
Friday, September 2
Monday, July 18
There's a certain beauty and comfort in the sameness of all airports.
I was talking to a guy I work with who wants me to pick him up at the airport in Raleigh when we go to RTP on a site visit. It got me to trying to remember what RDU looked like, and where the hourly parking was. I'm not really worried about it, because all airports are basically the same. I had never driven to or around the Atlanta airport, and yet I easily picked up Craig from there a few weeks ago. You follow the directional signs to the place you want to end up, and there you are. Most airports are even remarkably well-signed. It's "Travelling for Dummies." (Most of the time that's too true.)
At the same time, it shows a remarkable lack of invention. But maybe mass transit is one place you don't want to adopt too much innovation at once.
I was talking to a guy I work with who wants me to pick him up at the airport in Raleigh when we go to RTP on a site visit. It got me to trying to remember what RDU looked like, and where the hourly parking was. I'm not really worried about it, because all airports are basically the same. I had never driven to or around the Atlanta airport, and yet I easily picked up Craig from there a few weeks ago. You follow the directional signs to the place you want to end up, and there you are. Most airports are even remarkably well-signed. It's "Travelling for Dummies." (Most of the time that's too true.)
At the same time, it shows a remarkable lack of invention. But maybe mass transit is one place you don't want to adopt too much innovation at once.
Tuesday, June 21
Tuesday, June 14
I went to Showmars to pick up some lunch the other day. There was a lucite collection box on the counter next to the register. It said that an employee there and his wife were expecting their baby July 15th, but the baby was born June 11th, and passed. They were taking up a collection to pay for the hospital bills.
It struck me as so, so sad that I almost cried right there. Can you imagine the pain, the horror, of waiting so long for that little tiny life inside you to arrive and to be with you and a part of your family? Making happy preparations, setting up a nursery, buying baby clothes, well-wishes from family and friends... And then having all that destroyed so quickly? And THEN still having to pay for the hospital bills. No small bundle of joy to bring home from the hospital. Nothing but hurt and tears and stitches and scars. And then not having enough money to pay for all that pain.
I gave them $1.11, because that's all I had left.
It struck me as so, so sad that I almost cried right there. Can you imagine the pain, the horror, of waiting so long for that little tiny life inside you to arrive and to be with you and a part of your family? Making happy preparations, setting up a nursery, buying baby clothes, well-wishes from family and friends... And then having all that destroyed so quickly? And THEN still having to pay for the hospital bills. No small bundle of joy to bring home from the hospital. Nothing but hurt and tears and stitches and scars. And then not having enough money to pay for all that pain.
I gave them $1.11, because that's all I had left.
Thursday, June 9
Things I hate about people # 42+E(8):
People who wear flip-flops as shoes on the way to work.
People who can't pick up their feet while they're walking to work wearing flip-flops.
All the way to work they walk behind me... Half a mile of --scutch--scutch--scutch--scutch--
People who think they're better than everyone else. (Ironically enough.)
I realized yesterday I don't actually hate people as much as I purport. The weird thing was how this occurred to me. I was watching people walking in front of me as I was going back to work with my lunch food. People of all shapes and sizes. Women, men. Nice looking casual-business friendly people. No one that was annoying or snooty or stupid. General, unassuming public. It was actually kind of nice. And I realized that's the majority of the people I encounter every day. And then I happened to notice the panty lines on a woman who was sort of middle-age-ish, but not unattractive. And I realized, I like the kind of women who bother to wear underwear, especially the kind of underwear that they could care less if everyone sees them, and not because they're particularly sexy. My mother used to say, "They're clean and they're paid for." That's about all that matters.
Then I got to thinking what should bother people and what shouldn't, and what you should care about other people thinking about you, and what just doesn't matter.
Things I can't stand that people do:
putting on makeup/brushing hair in public
looking at themselves in every reflective surface they pass
complaining about their food in restaurants (especially when it's excessive)
rudeness to service-people
nearly running over people crossing the street
stealing parking spaces
cutting people off in traffic
vandalism in all forms, even as little as picking at corners of signs
littering anywhere
smoking with no regard for others
Things that are important to me, or actions that I like when I see them:
most are personality/character traits (blah, blah, blah)
manners
positive dispositions
emotional strength (but not too stoic)
kindness to animals
overtipping servers
holding doors
giving up seats to women or old people
letting the women off the elevator first
pulling the car to the side of the road for a funeral procession
smiling at strangers
saying "thank you" to bus drivers
letting cars into traffic
Also, I was in the "mall" area of my work building today, and there was a boy who was separated from his parents. He was walking around sort of whimpering the way kids do when they feel like they may be lost. In front of me was a young business man, who if you didn't know any better you would think wouldn't care about what was going on in front of him. But as he was passing he slowed down to watch, and took an interest in seeing what was going on with that scared little kid. When he finally saw the kid's dad come out of the store and bring him back in, he turned around and went on his way. But I was touched by his interest.
Unfortunately though, in this day and age, I was struck by the momentary flash of "pedophile," but I like to think I live in not so nearly a cynical world as all that.
People who wear flip-flops as shoes on the way to work.
People who can't pick up their feet while they're walking to work wearing flip-flops.
All the way to work they walk behind me... Half a mile of --scutch--scutch--scutch--scutch--
People who think they're better than everyone else. (Ironically enough.)
I realized yesterday I don't actually hate people as much as I purport. The weird thing was how this occurred to me. I was watching people walking in front of me as I was going back to work with my lunch food. People of all shapes and sizes. Women, men. Nice looking casual-business friendly people. No one that was annoying or snooty or stupid. General, unassuming public. It was actually kind of nice. And I realized that's the majority of the people I encounter every day. And then I happened to notice the panty lines on a woman who was sort of middle-age-ish, but not unattractive. And I realized, I like the kind of women who bother to wear underwear, especially the kind of underwear that they could care less if everyone sees them, and not because they're particularly sexy. My mother used to say, "They're clean and they're paid for." That's about all that matters.
Then I got to thinking what should bother people and what shouldn't, and what you should care about other people thinking about you, and what just doesn't matter.
Things I can't stand that people do:
putting on makeup/brushing hair in public
looking at themselves in every reflective surface they pass
complaining about their food in restaurants (especially when it's excessive)
rudeness to service-people
nearly running over people crossing the street
stealing parking spaces
cutting people off in traffic
vandalism in all forms, even as little as picking at corners of signs
littering anywhere
smoking with no regard for others
Things that are important to me, or actions that I like when I see them:
most are personality/character traits (blah, blah, blah)
manners
positive dispositions
emotional strength (but not too stoic)
kindness to animals
overtipping servers
holding doors
giving up seats to women or old people
letting the women off the elevator first
pulling the car to the side of the road for a funeral procession
smiling at strangers
saying "thank you" to bus drivers
letting cars into traffic
Also, I was in the "mall" area of my work building today, and there was a boy who was separated from his parents. He was walking around sort of whimpering the way kids do when they feel like they may be lost. In front of me was a young business man, who if you didn't know any better you would think wouldn't care about what was going on in front of him. But as he was passing he slowed down to watch, and took an interest in seeing what was going on with that scared little kid. When he finally saw the kid's dad come out of the store and bring him back in, he turned around and went on his way. But I was touched by his interest.
Unfortunately though, in this day and age, I was struck by the momentary flash of "pedophile," but I like to think I live in not so nearly a cynical world as all that.
Tuesday, June 7
Bizarro dream du jour...
Craig and I drove up to a strip mall that looked much like the one where I used to work in Raleigh. He got out to go to the grocery store. I got out of the car to wait for him, and I realized that Kevin Smith was filming "Clerks 2" there. Kevin came out of the storefront and I realized I had a question I wanted to ask him. He looked a little different, because he was dressed in his Silent Bob clothes, and he looked like a live version of the Clerks cartoon Silent Bob. I couldn't remember the actual question I was going to ask him, so I went and said hello anyway. Then I told him that Craig and I were really interested in knowing when he was going to film the shots with Jason Lee in them. He pulled a photocopied schedule out of his pocket and looked it over, then showed it to me. On it were a list of cities and dates. He circled a handful of them and said those were the ones. I asked him if I could have a copy, and he said no, he couldn't give it to me; I would just have to remember it. The only cities I remember were a bunch in California, and Toledo OH. I thanked him and went to find Craig.
I don't really remember much else out of that dream except that somewhere in it, Darren Millard tried to get me to cheat on Craig with him, but I wouldn't do it.
Craig and I drove up to a strip mall that looked much like the one where I used to work in Raleigh. He got out to go to the grocery store. I got out of the car to wait for him, and I realized that Kevin Smith was filming "Clerks 2" there. Kevin came out of the storefront and I realized I had a question I wanted to ask him. He looked a little different, because he was dressed in his Silent Bob clothes, and he looked like a live version of the Clerks cartoon Silent Bob. I couldn't remember the actual question I was going to ask him, so I went and said hello anyway. Then I told him that Craig and I were really interested in knowing when he was going to film the shots with Jason Lee in them. He pulled a photocopied schedule out of his pocket and looked it over, then showed it to me. On it were a list of cities and dates. He circled a handful of them and said those were the ones. I asked him if I could have a copy, and he said no, he couldn't give it to me; I would just have to remember it. The only cities I remember were a bunch in California, and Toledo OH. I thanked him and went to find Craig.
I don't really remember much else out of that dream except that somewhere in it, Darren Millard tried to get me to cheat on Craig with him, but I wouldn't do it.
Monday, June 6
Well, Craig has to work this Friday and Saturday, when his acutal birthday is, so I decided to take him somewhere this weekend.
The only place I could safely do given the time frame was within 5 hours or less, so I picked something like the place I used to live. (At least I'd know where to go and what to do.)
We did get to see things I hadn't before. We went to the NC Museum of Natural Sciences, which I hadn't been to because they completed their renovations in 2000, and I lived in Charlotte by then. We also went to the NC Museum of Art, which I'd been to, but of course there's always new exhibits.
First of all, Hampton Inn (at least the one we stayed in) is now amazingly great for the price. I've never stayed at such a nice place that wasn't an actual HOTEL. They've gotten some kind of new marketing people, so all their items are "styled" and modern. Great amenities, great service, and reasonably priced! Lots of nice little touches, like a lap desk, a microwave, a fridge, hair dryer, iron, good smelling toiletries, big soft pillows, shower curtain that bows out to give you more room in the shower, and a free hot breakfast every morning. I highly recommend them.
We ate at Denny's for breakfast the first day, because we missed the hotel breakfast serving time. So here's some pics I took while I was waiting for our food.
Then we went to the museum. I've never seen a place that uses trompe l'oeil so effectively. (The pictures on their website really don't do it justice...) They have these great rooms that are made to look like various areas of NC, like the coastal plains, and the piedmont forests, and the mountains, complete with stuffed animals and models of plant life. They're really beautiful and amazing and lifelike.
They have some excellent dinosaur skeletons, including this head that you can touch.
There's a pretty solarium that has some giant dino models with fake pterodactyls flying around the ceiling.
Craig loves teh dinos:
They also have this amazing tunnel thing that's made to look like those tubes at the aquarium that you can walk through, and the sharks swim overhead. Except this is filled with FAKE prehistoric creatures, and NO water!!! You'd never know it just to look at it and walk in there. I wish the pictures did it justice.
The last place was the Arthropod Zoo, which is just like what it sounds. I took this one picture for my (little) sister because she loves ladybugs.
And that's about it. I didn't take any pictures at the art museum today, because they don't really let you. But it was really cool to have a different person's perspective on things. Craig pointed out some things he noticed that I never would have on my own. It was tons of fun.
Then we were both exhausted, so we came home. :)
The only place I could safely do given the time frame was within 5 hours or less, so I picked something like the place I used to live. (At least I'd know where to go and what to do.)
We did get to see things I hadn't before. We went to the NC Museum of Natural Sciences, which I hadn't been to because they completed their renovations in 2000, and I lived in Charlotte by then. We also went to the NC Museum of Art, which I'd been to, but of course there's always new exhibits.
First of all, Hampton Inn (at least the one we stayed in) is now amazingly great for the price. I've never stayed at such a nice place that wasn't an actual HOTEL. They've gotten some kind of new marketing people, so all their items are "styled" and modern. Great amenities, great service, and reasonably priced! Lots of nice little touches, like a lap desk, a microwave, a fridge, hair dryer, iron, good smelling toiletries, big soft pillows, shower curtain that bows out to give you more room in the shower, and a free hot breakfast every morning. I highly recommend them.
We ate at Denny's for breakfast the first day, because we missed the hotel breakfast serving time. So here's some pics I took while I was waiting for our food.
Then we went to the museum. I've never seen a place that uses trompe l'oeil so effectively. (The pictures on their website really don't do it justice...) They have these great rooms that are made to look like various areas of NC, like the coastal plains, and the piedmont forests, and the mountains, complete with stuffed animals and models of plant life. They're really beautiful and amazing and lifelike.
They have some excellent dinosaur skeletons, including this head that you can touch.
There's a pretty solarium that has some giant dino models with fake pterodactyls flying around the ceiling.
Craig loves teh dinos:
They also have this amazing tunnel thing that's made to look like those tubes at the aquarium that you can walk through, and the sharks swim overhead. Except this is filled with FAKE prehistoric creatures, and NO water!!! You'd never know it just to look at it and walk in there. I wish the pictures did it justice.
The last place was the Arthropod Zoo, which is just like what it sounds. I took this one picture for my (little) sister because she loves ladybugs.
And that's about it. I didn't take any pictures at the art museum today, because they don't really let you. But it was really cool to have a different person's perspective on things. Craig pointed out some things he noticed that I never would have on my own. It was tons of fun.
Then we were both exhausted, so we came home. :)
Friday, April 15
Wednesday, April 6
Amazing how I just let months go by without consequence...
Well, I'm engaged to Craig, and I couldn't be happier!
We just spent the past week and a half on the whirlwind Kevin Smith tour of the country.
The proposal happened at Vulgarthon '05, in Hollywood, in front of around 900 people including a panel of celebrities. (Ben Affleck gives the nicest hugs!)
Don't believe me? Check out the pictures courtesy of WireImage!
I have the most beautiful ring, the most wonderful man, the blessing of my parents and the excitement of my sisters. What more could I ask for?
We met dozens of people who bent over backwards to be nice to us. We went to Red Bank this past weekend for Kevin's 7 hour q&a session, and got what we're calling "our engagement photo" with him.
Well, I'm engaged to Craig, and I couldn't be happier!
We just spent the past week and a half on the whirlwind Kevin Smith tour of the country.
The proposal happened at Vulgarthon '05, in Hollywood, in front of around 900 people including a panel of celebrities. (Ben Affleck gives the nicest hugs!)
Don't believe me? Check out the pictures courtesy of WireImage!
I have the most beautiful ring, the most wonderful man, the blessing of my parents and the excitement of my sisters. What more could I ask for?
We met dozens of people who bent over backwards to be nice to us. We went to Red Bank this past weekend for Kevin's 7 hour q&a session, and got what we're calling "our engagement photo" with him.
Tuesday, March 1
Trip notes:
My bottled water on the airplane yesterday had the expiration date: JAN3006
I thought that was awfully optimistic of them, until I realized it meant Jan 30th, 2006. :oops:
I used gmail to forward an email to Sandy about a Guinness event. The subject line said "Guinness." I didn't finish so I saved it as a draft. The end result sitting in my inbox: Guinness(draft)
One guy here looks a lot like an older Horatio Sanz. Doesn't talk like him at all though.
I like these guys. They're very...real.
This morning, when I got out of the shower, I noticed someone had written "I LOVE YOU" in a big steamy heart on the mirror. I will double check the text tomorrow morning, because I think there may have been more...
It made me happy and sad all at the same time.
My bottled water on the airplane yesterday had the expiration date: JAN3006
I thought that was awfully optimistic of them, until I realized it meant Jan 30th, 2006. :oops:
I used gmail to forward an email to Sandy about a Guinness event. The subject line said "Guinness." I didn't finish so I saved it as a draft. The end result sitting in my inbox: Guinness(draft)
One guy here looks a lot like an older Horatio Sanz. Doesn't talk like him at all though.
I like these guys. They're very...real.
This morning, when I got out of the shower, I noticed someone had written "I LOVE YOU" in a big steamy heart on the mirror. I will double check the text tomorrow morning, because I think there may have been more...
It made me happy and sad all at the same time.
Monday, February 28
4:00 am... God, I didn't want to get out of bed in the dark! Shower, woke up Craig so he could go get his car... 30 degrees and raining.
5:30 am... Kissed Craig good bye at the security line. The Latinas behind us thought we were cute, and were giggling at us.
6:30 am... Flew to Atlanta. Made sure to take Dramamine before takeoff. Good thing, too.
8:00 am... What a miserable little airport Atlanta has. Dingy. Crowded. Concourses are too long and organized terribly. As if I didn't already have too long a layover, flight was delayed about an hour. This situation sucked, but it's not as horrible as the last time I got stuck in ATL!
Got on one of those little commuter shuttle planes where you actually walk out onto the tarmac and up the stairs. Two aisles of two seats each. I was in 12A, and that's the penultimate row. Which means there was a thirteenth row on this plane.
Blessedly, the flight was smooth. Very very minor turbulence. Didn't even make me nervous.
12:30 am... Landed in Melbourne, FL. Florida looks really pretty from the air. Very marshy. The beaches, though tiny from that altitude, looked lovely and white. I called Tim to come pick me up.
Got out of the plane on the jetway, and smelled the seawater. Melbourne Airport is a shithole. It's under construction, and the atmosphere is tacky in that way that only Florida can be. It also has that smell like an old house basement that's been flooded a few times.
Told Tim I'd be the redhead with glasses, because there's probably not too many of those walking around. He said he'd be in a Ford Taurus. I realized too late that description probably fit all the rental cars at the airport. No matter, he spotted me. We chatted it up, and stopped at a place to buy me a sandwich, because everyone else had gotten lunch, but they didn't know what to get me.
The hoagie place was sort of dismal and bare, but the guy behind the counter was very nice. He said he was still getting used to the heat,and how different this place is in many ways because he was from New York. Brooklyn, to be exact. He said no one's complained about his subs yet, so he hoped I would enjoy it.
Funny, the sign said "Hoagies", yet he called it a "sub." Perhaps it was not his establishment.
1:something ... Met the rest of the IT team. Very informal gathering. Ate and talked, and everyone told me a little about themselves.
It's always interesting to see what "business casual" means to people. Everything from button-downs and khakis, to jeans and a polo shirt. I don't mind being a tiny bit overdressed though. I would always rather be over- than under- dressed.
Very very informal discussions. Got a nice tour of the facility. It's an "o" shaped building, white walls, absolutely nothing remarkable. A lot of development and beta testing goes on here, so it was nice to see what they're using to do that. Lots and lots of server equipment and misc. peripherals.
Lots of grey hair on the techs... ;)
5:30 am... Kissed Craig good bye at the security line. The Latinas behind us thought we were cute, and were giggling at us.
6:30 am... Flew to Atlanta. Made sure to take Dramamine before takeoff. Good thing, too.
8:00 am... What a miserable little airport Atlanta has. Dingy. Crowded. Concourses are too long and organized terribly. As if I didn't already have too long a layover, flight was delayed about an hour. This situation sucked, but it's not as horrible as the last time I got stuck in ATL!
Got on one of those little commuter shuttle planes where you actually walk out onto the tarmac and up the stairs. Two aisles of two seats each. I was in 12A, and that's the penultimate row. Which means there was a thirteenth row on this plane.
Blessedly, the flight was smooth. Very very minor turbulence. Didn't even make me nervous.
12:30 am... Landed in Melbourne, FL. Florida looks really pretty from the air. Very marshy. The beaches, though tiny from that altitude, looked lovely and white. I called Tim to come pick me up.
Got out of the plane on the jetway, and smelled the seawater. Melbourne Airport is a shithole. It's under construction, and the atmosphere is tacky in that way that only Florida can be. It also has that smell like an old house basement that's been flooded a few times.
Told Tim I'd be the redhead with glasses, because there's probably not too many of those walking around. He said he'd be in a Ford Taurus. I realized too late that description probably fit all the rental cars at the airport. No matter, he spotted me. We chatted it up, and stopped at a place to buy me a sandwich, because everyone else had gotten lunch, but they didn't know what to get me.
The hoagie place was sort of dismal and bare, but the guy behind the counter was very nice. He said he was still getting used to the heat,and how different this place is in many ways because he was from New York. Brooklyn, to be exact. He said no one's complained about his subs yet, so he hoped I would enjoy it.
Funny, the sign said "Hoagies", yet he called it a "sub." Perhaps it was not his establishment.
1:something ... Met the rest of the IT team. Very informal gathering. Ate and talked, and everyone told me a little about themselves.
It's always interesting to see what "business casual" means to people. Everything from button-downs and khakis, to jeans and a polo shirt. I don't mind being a tiny bit overdressed though. I would always rather be over- than under- dressed.
Very very informal discussions. Got a nice tour of the facility. It's an "o" shaped building, white walls, absolutely nothing remarkable. A lot of development and beta testing goes on here, so it was nice to see what they're using to do that. Lots and lots of server equipment and misc. peripherals.
Lots of grey hair on the techs... ;)
Wednesday, February 23
Parosmia and Phantosmia
If you are looking for the previous post and comments related to the above subject that lived in this location for five years, I've moved it. Please redirect your bookmarks to here:
http://parosmiaandphantosmia.blogspot.com/
Thanks!
http://parosmiaandphantosmia.blogspot.com/
Thanks!
Monday, February 14
You'll forever be my Valentine
'I used to love you, I love you still, and I'll always love you.'
PETER ST. ONGE
The Charlotte Observer
The trip is usually 10 minutes long, from her driveway to her husband's room. Leroy will be happy to see her, of course, and he might toss a playful jab at her, the way he does with visitors. Lollie will have a gift for him on this Valentine's Day.
They'll spend a couple of hours talking or walking or eating dinner. Margie, his friend, will probably be there, too. Sometimes, Lollie finds them walking together outside, or sitting on a bench holding hands.
Leroy doesn't remember he is married to Lollie. He doesn't remember their moments, their milestones, the arc of a shared life. But Lollie does. All of it.
They met in the fall of 1934, Leroy and Lollie. He was a Duke grad, a former captain of the school boxing team. She was a pretty Charlotte girl at her Methodist church's pool party.
She remembers their first date -- a scary movie on Halloween at the Carolina Theatre. He held her hand. "How does the song go?" she says now, and she hums until she hits the right words. "The moment my heart stood still," she softly sings, then stops. "That's what I felt that night when he held my hand."
She also remembers their courtship, how he'd pick her up for breakfast before work every Monday and place a little ceramic elephant -- their mascot -- on the restaurant table between them. He was that kind of sweet after they were married, too.
They had a son and a daughter, and they saved money when there wasn't a lot to save. They were not an outwardly affectionate pair, but one day, when Lollie picked up Leroy from work, she saw him walking down the stairs, so handsome in his suit. "Isn't he wonderful?" she said to her daughter, Martha, sitting with her in the car. Martha still remembers that.
The kids grew up, and Leroy and Lollie traveled, and they went to church, and she enjoyed a book club. Then, nine years ago, Leroy had a quadruple bypass. He was 83, and the surgery seemed to take something from his mind. Two years later, he was diagnosed with early stages of Alzheimer's.
The disease stole the memories he shared with her, then his short-term recall, then finally his ability to be in their house alone. Last summer, the burden was too much for a woman in her 80s. Leroy moved into The Haven, a home in Highland Creek.
She visits him three times a week, usually with Martha, who drives. Leroy doesn't always remember Lollie's name, but he brightens when she walks into a room.
Sometimes, there is a flash of something more, such as the day he looked at her and said: "I used to love you, I love you still, and I'll always love you."
Another day, he said to Lollie, "Hi, you're a nice person," then leaned over to a friend and whispered, "Who is that?"
The friend was Margie, who also has advanced Alzheimer's. She usually is there when Lollie visits. Sometimes, when Lollie is in the room, Margie sits between her and Leroy.
The nurses at the Haven ask Lollie's daughter, Martha, about this. Isn't Lollie jealous? Martha says no, and Lollie shakes her head now. She says she's had Leroy all this time, and she would have him still if his mind were sound. "I'm secure in that," she says. "And I don't want him to be lonely."
And so today, the Valentine's card she has for Leroy won't say nearly as much as the cheerful hello she has for Margie. It's a simple thing, Lollie says, the same as it has been for 70 years. She wants him to be happy. She has their memories. And: "I love him still."
'I used to love you, I love you still, and I'll always love you.'
PETER ST. ONGE
The Charlotte Observer
The trip is usually 10 minutes long, from her driveway to her husband's room. Leroy will be happy to see her, of course, and he might toss a playful jab at her, the way he does with visitors. Lollie will have a gift for him on this Valentine's Day.
They'll spend a couple of hours talking or walking or eating dinner. Margie, his friend, will probably be there, too. Sometimes, Lollie finds them walking together outside, or sitting on a bench holding hands.
Leroy doesn't remember he is married to Lollie. He doesn't remember their moments, their milestones, the arc of a shared life. But Lollie does. All of it.
They met in the fall of 1934, Leroy and Lollie. He was a Duke grad, a former captain of the school boxing team. She was a pretty Charlotte girl at her Methodist church's pool party.
She remembers their first date -- a scary movie on Halloween at the Carolina Theatre. He held her hand. "How does the song go?" she says now, and she hums until she hits the right words. "The moment my heart stood still," she softly sings, then stops. "That's what I felt that night when he held my hand."
She also remembers their courtship, how he'd pick her up for breakfast before work every Monday and place a little ceramic elephant -- their mascot -- on the restaurant table between them. He was that kind of sweet after they were married, too.
They had a son and a daughter, and they saved money when there wasn't a lot to save. They were not an outwardly affectionate pair, but one day, when Lollie picked up Leroy from work, she saw him walking down the stairs, so handsome in his suit. "Isn't he wonderful?" she said to her daughter, Martha, sitting with her in the car. Martha still remembers that.
The kids grew up, and Leroy and Lollie traveled, and they went to church, and she enjoyed a book club. Then, nine years ago, Leroy had a quadruple bypass. He was 83, and the surgery seemed to take something from his mind. Two years later, he was diagnosed with early stages of Alzheimer's.
The disease stole the memories he shared with her, then his short-term recall, then finally his ability to be in their house alone. Last summer, the burden was too much for a woman in her 80s. Leroy moved into The Haven, a home in Highland Creek.
She visits him three times a week, usually with Martha, who drives. Leroy doesn't always remember Lollie's name, but he brightens when she walks into a room.
Sometimes, there is a flash of something more, such as the day he looked at her and said: "I used to love you, I love you still, and I'll always love you."
Another day, he said to Lollie, "Hi, you're a nice person," then leaned over to a friend and whispered, "Who is that?"
The friend was Margie, who also has advanced Alzheimer's. She usually is there when Lollie visits. Sometimes, when Lollie is in the room, Margie sits between her and Leroy.
The nurses at the Haven ask Lollie's daughter, Martha, about this. Isn't Lollie jealous? Martha says no, and Lollie shakes her head now. She says she's had Leroy all this time, and she would have him still if his mind were sound. "I'm secure in that," she says. "And I don't want him to be lonely."
And so today, the Valentine's card she has for Leroy won't say nearly as much as the cheerful hello she has for Margie. It's a simple thing, Lollie says, the same as it has been for 70 years. She wants him to be happy. She has their memories. And: "I love him still."
Thursday, February 10
The most recent word is that I am the primary candidate for that job position I've been agonizing over.
The next step is to the technology training center in Melbourne, FL to meet some of the other people.
I have a feeling it's going to be a test. I hate tests. However, if I get through it, I'm hoping they will tell me right then that I have the job or whatever. I know one of the reasons I'm in the lead is because I'm the most readily available/flexible. There are some advantages to being a single person with no kids. Anyone can have tech knowledge. I'm hoping my superior troubleshooting skills and quick adapatbility will help.
The next step is to the technology training center in Melbourne, FL to meet some of the other people.
I have a feeling it's going to be a test. I hate tests. However, if I get through it, I'm hoping they will tell me right then that I have the job or whatever. I know one of the reasons I'm in the lead is because I'm the most readily available/flexible. There are some advantages to being a single person with no kids. Anyone can have tech knowledge. I'm hoping my superior troubleshooting skills and quick adapatbility will help.
Monday, February 7
Such a happy couple are we!
All the pictures from our trip are here in my gallery.
The captions are worth reading, if I do say so myself!
I had the biggest job interview of my life last week.
Pros include a more challenging work experience, advancement, better pay, and moving to a bigger city. I haven't heard anything about it yet, but I come highly recommended by my old boss, Curtiss. And his word is worth a few.
Waiting patiently until then. On the couch, because my back has gone out. I'm going to the doctor tomorrow. Keep your fingers crossed for some muscle relaxants!
Monday, January 24
Well, I'm back from Oregon! Craig's family is great (hooray for that) and we had a wonderful time. Pictures to follow.
Craig is also now 9 months in remission. [happy sigh]
This website comes in so handy at my job:
FILExt - The File Extension Source
Craig is also now 9 months in remission. [happy sigh]
This website comes in so handy at my job:
FILExt - The File Extension Source
Friday, January 7
If my job would stop screwing with me, perhaps I would have had my promotion by now. Instead, I will screw with them and spend as much time not working as possible.
Which is the policy most normal people have at their jobs.
One more week until Craig and I go to Portland. I've never been to the great northwest. I'm looking forward to meeting Craig's friends and family, and lots of days of bad hair.
I must remember to ask Ross to watch the kitties.
My new laptop (business expense) arrived the day before yesterday. It's schweeet. Time to build more websites.
Which is the policy most normal people have at their jobs.
One more week until Craig and I go to Portland. I've never been to the great northwest. I'm looking forward to meeting Craig's friends and family, and lots of days of bad hair.
I must remember to ask Ross to watch the kitties.
My new laptop (business expense) arrived the day before yesterday. It's schweeet. Time to build more websites.
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